Toothpicks & Papercuts
by Mrs. Manic
Summary: There he was again. With that glimmering smile that he showed to his friends. He still wore turtle necks and sweaters under his uniform. Why do I find him so interesting? Surely it wasn't because of his wild long spiky tangerine hair and bright chocolate amber eyes. Well, maybe it was actually. Maybe I found him attractive?/GrimmIchi/ Yaoi/ Suicidal Themes
1. It Only Takes A Moment

**Summary:** There he was again. With that glimmering smile that he showed to his friends. He still wore turtle necks and sweaters under his uniform. Why do I find him so interesting? Surely it wasn't because of his wild long spiky tangerine hair and bright chocolate amber eyes. Well, maybe it was actually. Maybe I found him attractive?

**Plot Summary:** Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, the invisible punk who everybody ignores or hates. Being that he struggles with life the fullest, he doesn't believe that his life will end as well as others. He soon becomes interested in the schools smartest student, Ichigo Kurosaki. He becomes instantly attached as he sees the red-head was always smiling like life was perfect. The punk has been watching the boy everyday since the start of school. Well, one day, that changes when the Grimmjow finds out he is not the only one who struggles.

This fan-fiction was inspired by the song It only takes a moment by Hello Dolly! Sorry for grammar and spelling mistakes.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Bleach_.

* * *

_Hopefully, that would change someday. But for now, I'll stick to being myself. Cause that's all I can really be in this boring world._

**~Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez~**

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**Introduction...**

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**.**

**December 1st, 2013**

**9:30-am**

There he was again.

With that glimmering smile that he showed to his friends.

He still wore turtle necks and sweaters under his uniform.

I chew on the toothpick in my mouth with interest.

I find him odd. Always smiling. Always glowing with happiness. Always being friendly. It seemed like he was perfect.

But he wasn't. He didn't like reading. He didn't like sports. He say's he's got a quick temper though no one believes him since he's so nice.

He was an average boy with the I.Q near 200.

So why do I find him so interesting? Surely it wasn't because of his wild spiky tangerine hair and bright chocolate amber eyes.

I move the toothpick to the side of my mouth as I scowl.

Maybe it was actually. Maybe I found him attractive? I wouldn't be surprised. I've seen many women ask him out, but he always turned them down with a simple nervous 'no'.

Though, I have seen him with a couple of girlfriends. Eventually, they always broke up. I remember he had a boyfriend named Renji. They went out for 2 week's before they broke up. Though, I was the only one who knew. They were a secret relationship. I always saw them kiss in the bathrooms. I could understand why they hid it though since this school isn't the acceptance type. Even after the break up, they were still the best friends. I've always thought they're actually still dating.

I watch as he waves goodbye to his friends. I see him walk over to the other water fountain and take a big drink before heading to his class period. I watch as he heads in the classroom. I could pretty much hear the greetings he got as he makes his way into the room. I go to each and every class with him. But I never go class. I always skip it. The principle never bothers me nor do teachers care. It would be a miracle if I ever came to class.

I was invisible at school. Everyone ignored me. You could say they were scared of me. I wouldn't be surprised, I scare myself sometimes too. I always wore a black beanie over my outrageous hair, so I wouldn't get any attention. When anyone heard my name, they always flinched or acted like they didn't know me. During class time, I'd just walk through the hallways. I would drink water. Go in the restroom and look at myself in the mirror. Play games by myself. No one bothered me.

I could care less about education. I'd given up on that years ago.

High School is a waste of time, I don't like it. Why? Because I feel stupid. Everyone knew what x times what was and all these things about graphs. I didn't. Hell, I didn't even know how to do division correctly. Why would they expect me to know that? The look's I got on the first day of High School when I answered a question wrong were aggravating. Some would chuckle. Some would roll their eyes. Someone would call me _stupid_. I wasn't the type to let words effect me but...

That _hurt._

Being called _stupid._

It felt like I was so different. Everyone was so smart yet...I was...

**Stupid.**

It surely wasn't the first time I was called stupid. My dad always insulted my abilities of not being able to read correctly or do math. He called me retarded. Dumb. Stupid. Mom always just rolled her eyes and poked at her nails. I remember the first day I got to courage to talk to my father about him insulting me. It was the worst day of my life. I've never bothered him again with my concerns.

After 2 days of High School, I stopped going to the classes. Everyone made fun of me when they saw me and called me stupid. I was being bullied to the point where I wanted to die. I didn't tell anyone. I found a spot near the water fountain and hid in between there everyday. Sometimes, students would throw water at me while they got something to drink.

Soon, after a week of hell, my temper clicked. I was ganged by some bullies when I was going home. That's when I lost it. Lets just say, I caused a little bit too much damage for only a 15 year old boy at the time. No, I'm not exaggerating. They were all okay because the principle paid for their wounds since he was rich as shit. I was expelled from school, sadly. After about a year, I was accepted back into the same school because the principle wanted me back. I didn't know why, he just did. When I came back, the first thing I saw in peoples eyes were glorious.

Fear.

The bulling stopped. I didn't go to class. No one cared. I was happy. They were also scared of how I looked, but I'll tell you about how I look later.

I didn't get called stupid, idiot, dumb ass or anything. Though, It did hurt sometimes to know that I was stupid, an idiot and a dumb ass.

But I don't let those emotions take me over now.

I know I'm not the smartest person in the world.

But really...why put labels on everything?

Stupid, gay, straight, suicidal, retarded, mad, depressed.

We're all people.

So why not just call us by our own names?

* * *

**_10:45-am_**

_I place my foot on the wall and look around the empty hallway. Carefully, I slide down the wall and sit on the floor. I see the janitor sweeping the halls with a scowl on his face. I see him look up and smile at me."Ay'. Nice ta see ya out again."His thick half southern accent makes me look over and lean on the walls of the building. He has rusty brown hair that sways over his face and has a toothpick in his mouth. He has some dirty one piece blue jump suit with torn shoes. His face looks like it hasn't been shaved in days or even weeks. He leaned on the trashcan in front of him and stares at me. I place my hands in my pocket and sigh._

_"When am I never out here?"I tell him. He looks up with a disgruntled face before smirking. He sweeps up next to me and leans down to face me. I see him place a toothpick on my lap. I look at him and see him putting a little box away in his pocket._

_"Chew it. It helps ya relax. Well, it does fa me ad least."I look at the toothpick in my lap before picking it up. Most of the students were afraid of the janitor. They thought he was a pedophile because of how he looked. I never really bother paying attention to him, but it looked like he took his time to pay attention to me. My eye's travel to him to smell his weird scent of garbage and old perfume. I scowl and place the toothpick in my mouth. I see him smirk and start to walk away from me. Chewing on the pick, I watch as he goes away._

_He was an odd man._

_I think we'd be good friends.._

"Hahaha! Ya the best Grimmjow! You always seem ta entertain meh!" I give a smirk at Kazu, or in other words, the janitor. Also in other words, my only friend out of this hell hole school. I take the toothpick out of my mouth and throw it in his trashcan and grab another one out of my pocket. Kazu coughs as he stops laughing his ass off. There's silence between us as we wait for the last school period to be over. We always meet at last period since it's always his time to clean the floors. He always talks to me while he does and when he's done, he'd always sit down next to me and we'd chat for about 40 minutes. So I guess I would consider him my friend instead of best, even though he was over 30 year's old.

"Well, well,"Kazu says looking at the clock in the hallway."2 minutes before tha bell. Best get goin', eh?"I see him stand up and put his toothpick pack in his suit pocket. He turns back at me and holds his hand up as a wave. I feel a bit of loneliness in me as I see him wave."See ya tomorrow Grimm'!"I watch as he walks away. He pushes the trashcan in the janitors office and locks the door as he always does. All I could hear was his footsteps as he travels down the stairs.

Well, here we go.

***Ring, ring***

The door of classrooms slam open. Students run out into the hallway like crazy. Some people automatically threw trash on the floor that my friend had just cleaned. I scowled and crossed my feet criss-cross apple sauce style, so no one would step on my feet. I was cuffed in the corner of the hallway near the 2nd water fountain. The only people who could see me would be the people who got a drink of water from the water fountain. Other than that, everyone thought I was just scary nobody. But mostly, I was.

"Dude, what the fuck?"I hear a boy yell at somebody. I turn my head and look. It must be another fight. I see the boy push the other boy against the lockers."Ya should keep ya hands ta cha self or ya gonna get hurt, fag."I hear him say. I hear people near the fight laugh at the pathetic boy who was getting humiliated. I turn my head away from the fight and stare up at the ceiling.

I hear anonymous calls of shouts and cheering as the fight started. Punches and fist were thrown. I look down at my shoes and sigh."This is shit."I whisper. The noise was annoying. I couldn't stand it. I cover my ears with my hands and scowl. When will I ever get a whole day with a good peace of silence?

I suddenly see teachers dash through and security guards break through the crowd. I ignore it and lean against the wall. Sometimes, I wonder why I still come to school. Then other times, I don't have a reason why, I just do.

I watch as the fight was pulled apart. One of the security guard's have the boy who started it with a bloody nose and a possible black eye while the other boy will most likely have a broken nose and a busted lip. Student's run across the halls in fear like it was a serial killer. As the 2 boy's were taken away, students then start to gossip. It was like a tunnel of voices in my ear. I smash my head against the wall and growl.

"Did you see that? Shinji got his ass beat!"

"Duh, what else did you think would happen? He's a fag, remember?"

"I hope Kensei's alright, though. He looked like he got a black eye."

"Yeah right!"

This world will always be _rotten._

* * *

**December 1st, 2013**

**Reverse Time: 8:58-am**

"Ichigo! Get down here!"

I jump out of my half broken bed. The room is dark and gloomy as rain pours down my window. I sigh loudly and rub my tired eyes. I look at the time on the clock. It's 6:30. I push my ripped covers off of me and stand up on the creaky floor. I walk over to my closet and open it. I pull out my grey pants with boots and a random long sleeve shirt with my school uniform. Placing them on my desk, I start to take off my shirt before I here a knock on my door.

"Ichigo? Are you up?"I hear a soft voice say. I smile and say a quiet yes as I hear the door open. I see my older brother come in and look at me with a smile."Yuzu has breakfast ready."He says. I nod and watch as he walks over to my bed. I'm used to him coming in after I wake up. After all, he has to.

I take my shirt off completely and cover the top of my arms, so my brother won't see the new disastrous I've put upon myself. But he does notice. He doesn't say anything. I look down at the floor and put on my black long-sleeved shirt. When I finished dressing, my brother lead me down stairs.

The whole house is as gloomy as my room. The thunder goes through the air and all the rooms have a pitch of blue in them. As I enter the kitchen that has the smell of fresh food, I let my gut turn of the stares of my family. There are no greetings as I got to a chair at the table. My brother sits in the chair next to me and starts to eat his breakfast. My head immediately stays on my food as I start to eat.

"So, Kaien, I heard you got asked to tutor the kid next door."I hear my father say with a smile on his face. Kaien looks up and nods in agreement.

"Well, the parents are still deciding. They're not sure yet."He says with a bit of happiness in his voice. Everybody is happy when father talks. His voice was warm and soothing and it brought comfort. Or, it used to for me. All his voice brings is disappointment for me. I see Kaien laugh at something father says as they engage in conversation. I see everyone soon talking to another. But me by myself. I look at my food.

Kaien gave me a little serving again.

Damn Kaien.

All I hear is voices around me. I let my thoughts wonder as I look at my food.

l feel my world tumble and water fills my world of depression. I feel like I'm drowning. Where have I gone? Where did life go wrong? Can I just start over? Can I get a good life like every teenager out there? Everyone is so successful. Having friends, not having to worry about anything. I'm not. Kaien is in college with a popular girlfriend and is studying to be a actor. Shiro has a bunch of friends at school and plans to move out to California to get a job as an artist. Karin wants to become a soccer player and has been team captain for 4 years. Yuzu wants to be a cook and make her own show. Dad already has a successful clinic that's most popular in America.

Then there's me. The failure. I don't know what I want to be or what I like. I don't like movies, medical stuff, art, sports, or cooking. All I have is good grades and a big I.Q. Everyone thinks I'm the happiest person at school. But really I'm living the life of a crazy teen. I plan my life as I see it in my dreams.

In a grave.

Kaien thinks I need help. Shiro just doesn't talk to me anymore. Karin absolutely hates me. Yuzu tries to let it go but it's still a burden on her shoulders. And Dad is the man who acts like I'm just a person who just lives here.

So why not just be dead?

Once Kaien gets his own house, he can't protect me any more. Once Shiro goes to California, he probably won't ever come back. Once Karin becomes famous, she won't give a shit if I die or not. Once Yuzu becomes a cook, she can't see me anymore. Once Dad pays for money for our clinic, he'll be too busy to notice his son is already gone. Once everyone's busy, It'll be the perfect opportunity. And none of them know that I already have my death planned.

So dead would be the perfect place to be. Matter of fact, it'd be better than this place full of hell.

This place full of rotten people like me who don't deserve the air to breathe.

I let my eyes wonder up and look at the invisible laughter that fills the air. So many smiles and white teeth shinning brightly. I would smile. I really would, but I can't.

A person like me will always be _rotten._

* * *

**_After School...4: 56pm_**

_What happens after death?_

_I've always wondered._

_Do we live in a world full of darkness? A world where we feel no pain, fear, desire and not having to deal with the constant thing called life? The people who live stay living and the dead stay dead? Or maybe we'll be reincarnated as another person? Like a butterfly._

_That's what I like to believe._

_That's why I'm not afraid to die._

_Whether its from myself or someone else._

_Because I know I'll be another person who's better that who I am. Even if I live in a world full of darkness, I'll still be another person. Why? Because all my thoughts of pain, fear, suffering are gone and I just restart._

_Unlike most humans, I can't forget about my past. My past is like a pebble in my shoe as I walk down the sidewalk. I could take it out, but I don't. I keep it there because I don't reach down to dig it out. If I do, all bad memories will hit me as I try to reach for it. So I keep it there. I keep it there till I decide to buy new shoes and forget about the old ones with the pebble. So far, my shoes are still dirty, torn, and broken._

_And I don't think that's gonna change._

I tap my barefoot on the ground and carefully write down my thoughts in my journal. I chew on my long sleeved over-sized white shirt I borrowed from Kaien. I sit in the corner of my room. I was all alone in the house since everyone went to Karin's soccer ball game. Kaien offered for me to go, but I said no since Karin doesn't like me as much. But all together, I would give up anything to see my sister play.

***Knock knock...***

"Come in."I say though I'm not sure who it could be. I see Kaien walk in which makes me confused. Didn't he go to Karin's game? I narrow my eyes when I see Kaien walk over to my bed and sit on it. He looks at me suddenly with a big smile on his face. I smile back a little."Didn't you leave?"

His smile just gets bigger."I couldn't leave ya alone, could I?" I stare at him for a second.

Kaien bounces on my bed and twitches his nose."Your beds lumpy. Want me ta get a new one?"

I carefully hide my feet in the corner and stare at my older brother. I see my brother stand up off my bed and head towards me. My eye's widen as he looks at me.

"Ichi, are you okay...?" He ask me sincerely. I grind my teeth as I try to ignore him and continue to write. I hear him sigh and run his hands through his hair."I called Aizen, again."That's when my head shoots up to glare at him. Why does he do that? Why does he always think I need a doctor or therapy? I can handle myself. I wish he would understand. Kaien looks at me with care."I love you, Ichi. I don't want you to get hu-"

"I don't need any type of help, Kaien! I'm fine!"

"You're fine? The fuck you are! This isn't good for your heath, Ichigo! I want to help you!"

"Fuck off! When did you start to care again?"I shout throwing my journal on the floor. Kaien tsks at me and begins to scowl. I scowl back."I don't fuckin' need therapy or medicine or a doctor! So how about you stay the hell out of my life and let me deal with my life the way I want to be, you fucking jerk!"

There's silence for a few moments before Kaien nods."Fine."He says. I can hear the coldness in his voice as he heads for the door."I'll leave you alone." The doors slams making me flinch.

I stare straight at the floor in shame. Should I have yelled at him? Should I have took the offer? I lean on the corner of the wall and gulp. No, I don't need help. He needs to understand that and leave me alone. He needs to stop worrying about me. He has to. I've already stopped my brothers dream from happening once and It's not gonna happen again. I won't let myself be in the way.

Why can't he be like dad? Just ignore me. Why can't he just realize that he doesn't have to take care of me every second!?

I want him to be happy like I never was.

I don't want to be the reason his dream won't come true.

_If only he knew that...then he'd stop talking to me.  
_

_When will life come to a end._

_Will I ever get a happy ending? _

_Will I ever stop being worthless?_

_Will I ever get saved?_

_Will I ever find what I like to do for living? _

_Will I always just be dirt?_

_I've been used so many times, called many names, and lived life's hell. Will everyone feel sorry for what they did to me? Will everyone finally love me again if I was gone? _

_No._

_They couldn't._

_I've been a good boy when I was little. I did chores. I did my homework. Why did I deserve this? Kaien use to always be the happy helpful kid to me. Shiro would always be Mr. Overprotective. I would always protect Karin and Yuzu, though I'd always get beat up in the end. Then Mom was all our saviors. Dad was her sidekick, as always. _

_Then mom died. Kaien stopped being happy and just faked it. Shiro would be even more protective and wouldn't let me go outside. Karin and Yuzu slept with dad sometimes. Karin didn't like me anymore. She blamed me for Mom's death. At the time, dad still loved me and took care of me. Everyone wasn't very good at hiding there depression.  
_

_I was._

_I found out razors and paper were very, very delightful_

_Dad had got remarried after a year of her death. She was a beautiful lady with long blonde hair and blue eyes. She was gorgeous. Kaien grew fond of her. The twins loved her. Shiro hated her at first, but then he really liked her. We almost believed mom came back in a different body. We all loved her. _

_But she didn't like me._

_I could tell just by her expressions. She would always ignore me. When I asked for help with homework, she'd say she was to busy. Then I'd ask dad and he'd help me. But when Shiro asked, she was happy to teach him. She never told me when the school bus was here and never woke me up for school. Whenever she fixed me breakfast, I'd always get the littlest serving because my plate was always last. I came to the fact she hated me. I never told dad or even Kaien._ _I'd just deal with it_._ Though, that meant I had to do everything myself most of the time. _

_I met a man when I was 14 at a shop. His name was Rudolf. I made fun of him because he was named after a reindeer. He just chuckled. He was older than me. He said he was 21. He was nice. He sometimes gave me free things like a candy or cologne because I couldn't pay for them. He was my best friend. He made me think,'Maybe I wasn't worthless.'We hung out everyday to night. He was my hero.  
_

_Though, Rudolf did frighten me sometimes. He would get really close to me. Rub my arm or my thigh once in a while. I use to feel uncomfortable when he did it. After about a week, I wanted him to do more than just rub my arm or thigh. I sincerely had wanted him to do other things to me that I hadn't even really learned properly about._

_One day, he did. I could say it was my fault it happened. He was touching me again. He was touching my thigh in a comforting way. I didn't take it like that. I wanted him to get closer and closer. I had grabbed his hand and tucked it in between my thighs to where he could have felt everything. He was shocked. I was too that I had just done that. I was gonna say sorry, but it turned out he didn't want me to. He continued rubbing. But it wasn't my thigh._

_From that day on, I fell in love with a 21 year old. Rudolf. I didn't care if it was pedophilia. I didn't give a flying shit about anything. All I knew about was the name Rudolf. I just realize every time I looked into his eyes, my heart fluttered. Whenever he touched me, fireworks busted. When he said he liked me, I was glad. _

_Then Shiro found out about it._

_He saw me kiss Rudolf in the shop._

_He was disgusted that I would do something like that.  
_

_He was shocked when I told him I lost my virginity to a 21 year old man.  
_

_He called me a whore for liking it. _

_He said I was too young.  
_

_He called me so many words and said many things.  
_

_But...I didn't care._

_Rudolf was all I cared about.  
_

_But that all ended soon._

_Rudolf was married to some woman the whole time. He played me because he wanted some better sex. He stopped talking to me. I stopped going to his shop because he didn't work there anymore. He was gone. He left without saying goodbye._

_My depression came back. I lived in hell. I then realized after eating lots of food and making myself throw up most of the time, I had bulimia. I didn't tell anyone. Not even Kaien, and I told Kaien everything. He told me he knew about Rudolf, but he just wanted me to be happy so he didn't say anything about it. _

_Then here comes back my step-mom. We were home alone since dad took everyone out to the movie. She stayed to clean and I didn't like movies. When she came up stairs to clean my room, she ignored me. I ignored her to and just sat on my bed. _

_"Ichigo..."She had said to me in a soft voice. I was surprised she was speaking to me in such a soft tone. I was shocked. I didn't know what to say and I just let her speak."Ichigo...I'm sorry..."Her voice was cracking as I saw a tear run down her beautiful face. I immediately felt forgiveness in my heart. I didn't like it when people cried. Especially for me._

_"Mom..."I whispered to her. She just cried and wiped her eyes with her arm. She looked at with her blue eyes that were filled with sorrow and guilt.  
_

_"I only ignored you because I though you didn't l-like me. You were always gla-glaring a me. I thought you wanted to k-kill m-me. I r-realize you don't. I'm so sorry!"She cried. Her face looked torn and broken as she apologized to me. _

_"I...forgive you..."I let my voice say. I see her smile and she cries in happiness  
_

_"Thank you so much Ichigo!"She immediately runs over and hugs me tightly. I feel warmth I haven't felt from years. I felt my own eyes water. Maybe if mom loved me. She could get Karin to love me? She could maybe make me smile again! She cou-_

_Then I felt it._

_Pain in the left side of my back. I let myself freeze for a second before I noticed what was happening. I felt tears gather in my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I stop hugging my step-mom and look down between us._

_A knife was pushed through my skin to the other side. Blood dripped on my mattress. I looked up into my mothers eyes._

_Her lifeless, cold eyes. _

_The knife was pushed out causing my blood to drip and splatter. I felt a little blood run down my lip from biting it to hard. I was tricked. I was fooled. Did I really think I could get happiness that fast? Did I really think life was that easy...?_

_"You're so stupid..."My step-mom says throwing the bloody knife on the floor."Wouldn't you be suspicious if I suddenly loved you for no reason? Think for once, boy." I cough loudly in pain. I hold my wound with my hands as blood drips all over my fingers. Was this the end? But dad still loved me. Shiro still loved me. Kaien still loved me. I can't leave with all of these people caring for me. It was selfish! I see my step-mom chuckle and start to walk to my door."Rot in peace, you worthless shit."_

_I was left there, bleeding to death. I had got out the bed and opened my closet. I struggled to move, so I wouldn't pass out from the blood loss. Carefully, I grabbed one of my long sleeved shirts. I wrapped it around my body as tight as I could so it could prevent some blood from coming out. I lean on the closet door and feel tears run down my face in anger._

_I was angry. I was furious. I was tricked. I was pissed. There were so many words to describe how I felt, but it wouldn't be enough to let out my anger. I didn't know how I felt. I just knew there was a horrid amount of rage building up inside of me. I couldn't control it. Then comes the point where I grab the knife on the floor she had left._

_This was the day I regret in my whole life. _

_I stabbed her._

_I killed my step-mom._

_She was ironically turned around, cleaning. A smile was on her beautiful face.  
_

_And the front door of the house ironically opened showing my family. _

_I developed major depression and Hallucination Disorder that day.  
_

_The doctors believed I was innocent because I was so young. I told them she stabbed me. They believed me and called it self defense. I wasn't put in jail. But I felt like I should have. I killed a person. I deserved to go to jail. I deserved to die._

_But so did my step-mom._

_Dad hates me. He doesn't talk to me any more. Yuzu tries but fails. Shiro just flat out stopped caring, and Karin just doesn't care about me. Kaien tries to cheer me up.  
_

_I could understand why they all hated me._

_I killed their only happiness._

_Kaien's the only one who knows about all my disorders. He's the only one who knows that I have **hurt** myself since I was 10. But sometimes, he doesn't care. I can tell he questions himself to why he wastes his time with me.  
_

_Thus comes to this day. _

_Where my own brother is finally holding his ground and tries to get me more help._

"Fuck.."I whisper holding my hair with my fist. I look at the ground as I relax my face. I take my fist off my hair and carefully run my fingers over the wooden floor. I see water drip on it. I close my eyes to stop the tears from falling on this perfect floor. It doesn't help. More tears drop on the floor. I try to stay quiet so Kaien won't hear me. My fingers grip the floor as I hold in my yells. I wanted to scream. Yell. Anything to get the sudden anger I'm feeling out of me.

Suddenly, I hear the front door on the house open making my eye's widen."Kaiiieeen! Werrreeee hooomme! We've got foooood!"I hear my father shout loudly as there was a crash and the sound of Shiro cursing. I let out a pain of chuckle and raise my head to listen to my family argue down stairs.

I love them so much.

So much it hurts.

"Damn it dad! Stop jumping everywhere!"Karin and Shiro yell at the same time. There are crashes and laughing. Joyful laughing. I bet the temperature down there is better than down there. It must be warm in a place where you can live with no worries. It must feel like a warm blanket to cover you from the cold and some hot chocolate to warm your hands.

"I bet that feels nice."I whisper while wiping the tears off my cheeks and eyes.

* * *

**7:14pm...**

_"__It only takes a moment  
For your eyes to meet and then  
Your heart knows in a moment  
You will never be alone again"_

"Damn-it..."I whisper as I spit out the broken toothpick out my mouth. I lean back in my comfy chair in my apartment and listen to the song of the famous Hello Dolly. I listen to the beat while tapping my foot. I've always loved this song. I always wanted to sing and play instruments, but I never had the chance to practice. Especially the piano. I look at the ceiling in silence and start mumbling to the song. I let myself wonder into my thoughts and memories as I listen to the song._  
_

**July 25, 2000**

**Karakura Kindergarten **

_"Aw! Grimmy-kun! You's like to thraw?"Nel says looking over the blue haired boy's shoulder. He let himself scowl and push his little sister away from him. Nel pouts and crosses her chubby arms."Fines! I'll goes bother Nnoi!"She yells at the boy who ignores her. Her feet patters against the class floors. The lonely boy sits alone in the class room as everyone plays outside at the playground. He continues to draw with a blue crayon with a scowl on his face._

_Mrs. Unohana looks up from grading some sheets to look at her most quiet student. She smiles at him when she sees him drawing again. Any other teacher would think he wanted to grow up as an artist. But she knew specifically what her favorite student wanted to grow up as. She'd seen to many of his drawings not to know._

_He wanted to be a piano player. He wanted to compose music rather than learn songs. Though, he knew about Fur Elise and Turkish March before she could ever even teach him.  
_

_She always saw him smile when ever she dropped the students off into the music room. He would always go to one instrument all the time. It was the piano. He always said he loved the melody and the elegant sound. He said he liked its loud tone and how powerful it was. He was one boy she had never seen before in her years of teaching. Most students just wanted to pick at the guitars and slam the keyboards. Some just wanted to splatter paint or play soccer in the backyard. They were never sure or cared of what they wanted to be._

_He was. He told her that he was for sure she would see him on T.V some day with his own song made. And she believed him. She hoped to turn on the T.V and see his blue-hair on the screen doing what he loves. Mrs. Unohana smiles before standing up and heading to the door to gather the children inside for dismissal._

_"Grimmjow, you so lammmmeee!"A loud obnoxious boy shouted at the short blue-haired boy. Grimmjow looked up from drawing and scowled at his big brother._

_"Go away, Nnoi."He muttered as he picked up a black crayon from his box. Said boy named Nnoi scrunched up his little nose and grabbed the crayon from his brothers hand. Grimmjow looked at him."Give it back, Nnoi!"He yelled standing up from his chair._

_"Heh, get it then, midget!"Nnoi shouted laughing as he out the door to the playground. Nel, who was watching, giggled and followed her big brother. She yelled a,'Don't let him get it, Nnoi!' before clapping her hands. Grimmjow clutched his fist before crossing his arms._

_"You're not worthy of my time."He muttered to himself before turning around. He went back to his seat and sat down silently. He could tell Nnoi was furious at him for making him look like a fool. He saw Nnoi slam the crayon on the ground and stomp on it. Grimmjow gave a little chuckle before pulling out another crayon."Not all piano have to be black."He said to himself. He pulled out a white crayon."They can be white, too. Baka Nnoi."He started to color in his drawn piano on his grey piece of paper. He wasn't going to cry over a little crayon._

_"I held her for an instant  
But my arms felt sure and strong  
It only takes a moment  
To be loved a whole life long"  
_

_Grimmjow let his voice waver for the song. He let his body rock back and forth to the song he was singing. He colored the last bit of his drawing before letting himself smile. He drew himself in a black hat and a suit like he saw most people on T.V. Himself was playing piano. Little music notes came out the inside of it. There were people in the audience clapping and cheering him on. Grimmjow smiled at his drawing._

_"He held me for an instant _  
_But his arms felt safe and strong _  
_It only takes a moment _  
_To be loved a whole life long" _

_"Grimmjow?What are you still doing here?"Grimmjow looked up from being lost in his singing to look at his teacher. Mrs. Unohana tilted her head at her student who stood up out in chair in a hurry. Grimmjow looked out the kindergarten playground and saw it empty. Did his brothers and sisters leave him here? Most importantly, did mom leave him? Grimmjow felt his shoulders drop in disappointment as he stared out the window. Mrs. Unohana looked at the sullen child with sadness."Would you like me to drive you home again?" She asked him._

_Grimmjow turned his head to stare at his favorite teacher before a smile was stretched across his face."Sure!"He excitedly exclaimed. He ran over to the closet and grabbed his book bag."Lets go!" Mrs. Unohana gave a smile when she saw the happy boy she always saw everyday. He was the reason she came to this job. Well, him and some other children too. She was sure Grimmjow would show his parents his picture. Maybe she could see their reaction._

_As Unohana drove him home, Grimmjow showed his teacher all other drawings he drew at home in his room. Though she couldn't look at them because she was driving, she had an image of what they all looked like. Once he finished showing her, he started to sing a song that surprised her amazingly._

_"And that is all that love's about _  
_And we'll recall when time runs out."_  
_  
_

_"Well, how do you know that song?"Unohana chuckled as she looked through her rear-view mirror at her student. Grimmjow looked at her with a grin and started jumping in his seat._

_"I went to this place with my daddy and it was playing. I liked it so much I wrote down the lyrics on a napkin!"He said happily with a smile."I've only heard it once, but I love it!"Unohana laughed at him making him giggle._

_"So, you're gonna be one of the high-voice singers?"She asked him with a smile. Grimmjow pouted and crossed his arms._

_"No! When I grow up, my voice is gonna be strong and smooth! Or soft and cool! Not high!"He shouted at her. Unohana waved her hands at him as she parked near the young boys house._

_"No one said high-voices weren't cool. I think they're awesome."She said to him. Grimmjow just 'hmped' before leaning in his seat."I think we're here. Ready to get out?" She unbuckled her seat belt and opened her car door._

_"You're gonna see me on T.V with the most best voice of history!"He shouted as he undid his seat buckle as well. He opened the door to his teachers car and ran towards the huge house. Unohana looked fascinated at the house as always. She's been to the house before, but it never creased to amaze her. It was a huge flat that took the size of 2 house spaces. It had a water fountain in their front yard for decoration. The grass was perfectly cut and the bushes had beautiful flowers in them. The house was truly luxury. She could only imagine what the inside looked like._

_Grimmjow slammed his little fist on the door for his mother to open. He was all jumpy inside to show his mother the picture in his hand that he drew today. The door opened showing a beautiful young lady with black dull hair and green eyes. She looked beautiful as she wore a pencil skirt and a blouse. Her heels clicked as she looked at her son and teacher."Grimmjow! We've been looking everywhere for you!"She said as she bended down and hugged her son._

_Unohana smiled at them and looked at his mother."I hope you don't mind I drove him again. I know you guys have alot of children, but you should really be careful to not leave any of them again. They could get hurt."The mother stared at her and nodded with sadness on her face._

_"I am truly sorry. I've told my husband to start being aware. It's just hard with 8 children. Thank you for driving him home again. I truly appreciate it."She said with a worried look on her face. Unohana held her hand up to pause her with a chuckle._

_"It's alright. Mrs. Rebecca, you don't have to thank me. I'd do this for any of your children. I just have to have your permission, of course." Rebecca nodded before bowing to the teacher._

_"Thank you, Mrs. Unohana. I'll see you tomorrow."Unohana nodded before the door closed. Rebecca sighed before letting go of her son who was looking at her._

_"Mama!"Grimmjow shouted smiling."Look what I drew for you!"He yelled holding up his famous drawing. Rebecca sighed before grabbing to picture and staring at it._

_"Is that a piano?"She muttered. Her son nodded. She chuckled."Son, if you even have to think you're gonna become this, you're sadly mistaken. You think I'd spend money on buying something this useless?"She explained to him. She ignored the hint of disappointment from Grimmjow and tore the picture in half."Grimmjow, I've told you before. Stop dreaming about stupid things like this. Just grow up and be a soccer player. Music isn't a option because is not gonna get ya anywhere."_

_Grimmjow stared at his mother before tears gathered in his eyes."But mama, I can do it! I'll be on T.V-"_

_"T.V?"Rebecca asked him before she started laughing."Grimmjow, if you can't even read a book without stuttering, then you will definably, never, ever, become whatever you want to be. So stick to playing sports like a real boy, kid. Now go throw this shit away, and don't bring anymore ta me again."She threw the paper on the floor before walking away. Her heels clicked away as she called her husband's name._

_Grimmjow stared at the drawing on the floor and sniffled. He wiped his eyes from its tears and bended down on his knees to pick up the paper. He ignored the tears falling on the floor and hiccuped. He heard his father yelling at mom causing him the cry louder._

_"Damn-it Becca! You didn't have to fuckin' make him cry!"_

_"What else was I suppose ta do? The little bitch gave me a stupid drawing!"_

_"You're suppose to take it like a normal mother!"_

_"Whatever, Aizen! Just shut him the hell up before I throw him out!"_

_Grimmjow felt himself being picked up making him look up. He looked at his father who wore a comfortable smile that calmed him immediately. His father patted him on the back and held him."Don't worry, Grimmjow."His father said softly. He felt his father run his hands through his hair in a comforting way."You can be whoever you wanna be, don't listen to that mean bitch."A giggle went through the little boy's throat. His father chuckled with him and walked over to the couch. He sat his son down and looked at him._

_"Daddy?"Grimmjow called his name. His father looked at him before ruffling his hair."Do you think I can be a piano player?"_

_"Oh, definably."His father said with a proud voice."You are my son, after all."Grimmjow giggled at his voice."And don't worry about your drawing. We'll tape that up and hang it on the wall."That made the little boys eyes glow happy as he bounced up and down on the couch._

_"Really!?"_

_"Grimmjow Edward Jaegerjaquez, do you think I would ever in my whole life of having a doctors degree, tell a lie?"_

_"That it only took a moment..."_

**August 1st, 2008**

_"For fucks SAKE."There was a crash in the other room next to him. 13 year old Grimmjow flinched at the sound of his father throwing a tantrum. He carefully scratched the bruise on his arm before flinching at the pain. He got into another fight at school. His dad was stressing over how much he had to pay for the damages he had done to the boy. Grimmjow felt bad for his father. Mama had recently divorced him and left. He had to take care of 8 other little twats, including himself. He had to pay for his piano lessons. He also had to deal with bills. It would be hard. Grimmjow's thoughts were cut off when his father opened the door to his room. Grimmjow stared at his raged father with concern_

_Aizen walked over to Grimmjow and suddenly gripped his small neck. He was shocked at his father's actions. He grabbed his fathers wrist and stared into his brown eyes. His father never once was violent him. What the fuck was going on?_

_"Damn you, are you trying to make my life worse!? This is your 5th fight and I'm tired of giving money off like a charity!"The voice of his father made him flinch. Where the hell did his nice father go? Where did the father go that always forgave him when he got into a fight? What was happening? "Constantly, I've been dealing with you and I'm done. I'm done with you, Grimmjow. I'm done with this."_

_His eye's widen at the size of dinner plates. Was this a dream? Had his father really hated him?"Dad! What the hell are you saying!? I haven't even don-"_

_"Bullshit!"The inhuman yell made the young boy shut up. He felt his father grab his chin and grip him harshly."You are a useless, pathetic excuse for my child. You've gotten into fights. You've stolen more than 3 things. You hit Nel more than twice. Plus, you want to study music? Are you serious? Music is the least thing a member of my family should want! I forget why I even paid for your piano lessons! Stop acting like life's wonderful, because it's not! You will do what I want you to do! And I say you're going to the fuck out of my house because I'm tired of you acting like you are really gonna be high on life! Life is not as easy as you think! Now get that through your retarded ass head and become something that will actually make me proud!"_

Life's not easy, huh?

_"To be loved..."  
_

I smirked as I popped out a cigarette from the box and put it in my mouth. I place the box on the table and click the lighter in my other hand. Lighting the cigarette, I sigh and hold it between my fingers. Smoke breathes out my mouth making me relaxed. I lean in the comfy apartment chair and give a smirk.

"Life is pretty fucking easy right know, ain't it, dad?"

_"A whole, life long..."  
_

* * *

_::::Toothpicks and Papercuts::::_

_:::Chapter 1:::_

_:::It Only Takes a Moment :::_

**11:45-pm...**

"Go fish..."

I twitch my nose in interest as I look at the cards in my hands. I stare up at Kaien who was smirking at me through his cards. I glare at him as I open my mouth."Got any 5's?"I ask him. Kaien sighs irritatedly making me smirk. I was so gonna wi-

"Go fish..."I pause for a second before throwing my cards on the ground.

"You tricked me!"I shouted at him. Kaien's laugh echo's my room. I cross my arms and glare at him."I don't want to play anymore!"I say. Kaien just keeps laughing when he see's my angry face. I clutch my fist a little before leaning over to stare at him."What are you laughing at!?"

"You!"He says wiping the tears off the corner of his eyes. I look at him as he recovers himself from his laughing."I love playing Go fish you, Ichigo. You always seem to make me laugh." I feel my heart lift at his words. Kaien and I always played Go Fish whenever I couldn't sleep at night. It's been like this since I was 6. Shiro use to play with us, but of course, he doesn't anymore. I'd usually get mad because Kaien would always find a way to make me angry and would just laugh at me. I guess you could say it was the only way we won't stay mad at each other. Kaien never once brought up the doctor thing. And that makes me happy that he doesn't.

"Hey, did you bring anything to eat?"I ask him as I uncross my arms. Kaien looks at me for a moment before nodding. He digs in his pocket and pulls out a wrapped up burger. He gives it to me silently. I glare."I hate Burgers."I say to him.

"Whatever."He replies with a smirk. I bite my lips and unwrap the burger. After I do, I take a bite of it before looking at the ground. He could see right through me. I knows I love meat. Damn Kaien. I look at him as I chew. He looks back."You were saying?"

"Shut up." I say hurriedly as I place the burger down on the wrapping. I start to clean up the cards making Kaien stare at me the whole time."Anyway, how's Nanao?"I ask him. I straighten up the cards and stare at him. He looks in the space and sighs.

"Who cares. I'm thinking about breaking up with her anyway."That draws my attention. Kaien dated Nanao for more than a year. That's been the longest relationship he ever had with anybody. Kaien notices the look on my face before smiling at me."I seen this other girl that interest me. I'm not gonna tell you who cause you'll flip out. Plus, I think Nanao has a crush on Mr. Shunsui. " I scrunch up my nose and lean over towards him.

"Who? Halibel? A teacher? Is it _Rangiku?_" Kaien jerks back in shock before laughing at me.

"Rangiku? Like I'd ever date her. I think she'd suffocate me to death!" Our laughs fill the room. After about 10 minutes of cleaning and finishing my burger, Kaien leaves. He said he wanted to go see what the others were doing. I let him go. He said he'd do anything to make me happy. Most of the time, I'd make him stay because I would get lonely and that lead to bad things. Kaien was always there for me. But someway, deep in my heart, I can tell I'm a burden.

Well, I pretty much feel that way with everyone.

I run my hands through my long orange hair that I popped out of a pony tail. No knots or anything. Locks fall over my eyes and I feel my room get smaller and darker. I look down at my fingers to relax myself from the room. That failed. I see blood run out of my nails and drip onto the floor. My eyes widen at the sudden hallucination. I shake my head in shock. I look up and see nothing but black. Black is everywhere. No bed, no desk, no floor, no Kaien. But black.

_It was happening again._

I knew I should have took more pills.

Damn Kaien.

I feel hands on my skin. They're pulling me into somewhere darker. The hands are scratched, torn and grey. Their nails dig in my skin. Dozens of them cover me. One grabs my face making me scream in horror. I smell perfume. Not just any perfume, a special one. I close my eyes and stop breathing so I don't have to smell it. I can't cover my nose because the hands are holding me back. I gulp and let my breath go. I huff and try to get more air. I can still smell it though. I clutch my fist in anger. Why won't it go away? I would rather smell a dead body.

"Ic-Ic-Ic-zhzh-go?"

I flinch at the sound of my name being called very surly. My mouth is suddenly covered by one of the hands. I wiggle and try to get out of its grasp. They all start to cover my face. I can't breathe. My hearts beating fast. I don't know what to do. I'm being pulled into a world I don't want to go to.

"Ich-zhzhzhz-go!"

I open my eyes.

"Ichigo!Ichigo, are you okay?"I look up from the tears in my eyes to stare at Kaien. He looks at me in shock. There's light in the room. There's my bed, and desk. I reach my hands to touch my face. I can breathe. The smells gone. Kaien still looks at me with worry on his face."Are you alright!?"He asked me again. I nod at him."You're bleeding!"I immediately look down to my nails that are bleeding. I bite my lip to feel nails on them."Did you bite your nails to far again? I told you to stop that!"He scolds me while looking at my hand. I see him pull out a handkerchief out his back pocket and put it on my fingers."Keep that there!I'm gonna go get some bandages!"I nod and grip my brothers cloth. I look down and see blood drop down on the floor. It looks like it hurts, but I can't feel any pain. I bite my lip for the thousandth time today.

_It happened again._

* * *

**The Next Day...**

**December 2nd, 2013**

**8:56-am**

"Can I guess your personality?"

I look up from eating some noodles to stare at the closet person I've ever had in my life. Shuuhei Hisagi stares at me with his bright brown eyes. I stare back at him and just continue to eat my noodles. Shuuhei huffs before placing his hands on the counter of the restaurant."Well, can I?"I shake my head no. He smirks.

I sat in a restaurant his father owned. I was 18 and he was 22. I met him when I was 15. Shuuhei was was the first one to notice me in school. He was a Senior and I was a Freshman. He was delivering some copies to a teacher and saw me in the corner. He mocked me of course. I remember exactly what he said.

"Hey, if you keep staying in the corner, you might get stuck there. It's a pretty tight space, doncha think?"

I didn't know at the time why a Senior was talking to me. Especially one with the I.Q of the people in the world. He was cool too. I was jealous. He had spiky blackish-blue hair, dark brown eyes and the perfect body. Everyone was crazy over him. I hated him at first. Soon, he started coming up everyday to talk to me. We were best friends. Well, in till the school year was over. He told me was going to take over his fathers restaurant soon. In sophomore year, I continued being invisible. Then I met the janitor and I had a friend again. Unfortunately, Shuuhei found my apartment in some way, shape or form and we've contacted each other since.

"I will anyway."He says tapping the chop sticks in his hand on the counter. I roll my eyes at him. Shuuhei just smirked at me."You're cold and mean. Thinking you're the shit. Though, you're not that smart."My eyes switch up to glare at him for bringing up the subject. Shuuhei chuckles and scratches the back of his head."Even so, you're not the type to care about others feelings and you don't really think before you speak or regret it. You also can't see in the dark and you always sneer at people."

"Ah, what is this suppose to do with anything, Shuuhei?"I ask him. Shuuhei shrugs and before looking over to see if there are any customers. He then turns his head back to me when someone enters the door.

"Cold will melt if it gets next to fire. But It could also melt alone, so be careful and keep your stance."He walks away with that. I stop eating and glare at him as he orders the persons order.

"The hell's that suppose to mean?"I whisper quietly. I carefully place my chopsticks down and I push my bowl away from me. Sighing, I take a drink of some tea next to me. I fold my hands carefully and look at them. They look like they've been through hell. Scars covered them and scratches. I twitch my nose while sighing. I look over at Shuuhei who starts to fix some noodles for the costumer. I suddenly see the costumer look over at me. Its a common woman. She winks at me while puckering her red lips at me. I scowl at her in annoyance. She always does that.

"Here you go, Ma'am."Shuuhei says handing the woman a bowel full of wrapped noodles. She gives him money and walks out the restaurant silently. She gives me a wave as she does. I don't wave back. I ignore her like I do most of the time with her. For some reason, whenever I meet Shuuhei, that woman always greets me. Other than that, all the women around this neighborhood ignore me and call me a punk. I wouldn't disagree with the statement, but I'm not the type to always be called a 'punk.'

Since I ran away from home, I've developed my own style. Black was my color. I wore a black beanie over my blue hair so no one knew what my real hair color was. Not even Shuuhei. Though, he always begged to see it. He didn't believe me when I said it was blue. He always said I dyed my eyebrows blue. I wore most of the time skinny black jeans with chains, black long sleeved shirts and black biker boots. I had a little gauge in both my ears that I was developing slowly and 5 other ear piercings. I also had huge glasses that I hated but needed. I was considered a mysterious freak when people saw me. I couldn't careless either way. I liked how I dressed. My blue hair reminded me of my mom who I hated. My normal looks reminded me of my father who I hated more. I was pretty much screwed without this style.

"Aye Shuuhei, I'm headin' to school."I shout to him. Shuuhei raises his hand goodbye as he flips some food in a pan in the kitchen. I wave my hand back him and head out. I push my hands through my book bag and strap it behind my back. I see people look at me. I ignore the stares. I'm a 100% sure I'm gonna be called to the office at school for not wearing a uniform. Sure, people are scared of me. But the little twats never miss an opportunity to get me in fuckin' trouble.

Well then, school. Here I come.

* * *

**At School- ****9:31-am**

"Grimmjow, you understand that you're are not wearing the school uniform, correct?"

"Yep."

"You understand that you could be suspended if you don't come to school without uniform?"

"Yep."

"Yet, you still come to school. Plus, you don't even go to class. Why don't you just quit school?"

"I don't know."

Urahara looks at me with his face in confusion. I dig my hands in my pockets and twitch my nose. He sighs before tapping his pen on his desk multiple times. I look at him with a careless expression. Just as expected, I was called to the office. I lean back farther into the uncomfortable chair I was sitting in and sigh loudly. Urahara just stares at me in disappointment. I couldn't really care of what he thought. Just because he was the principle and gave me a 2nd chance at school doesn't mean I was applied to like him. Matter of fact, I think he's annoying and not very smart for not keeping me expelled.

I don't know why I don't just quit school. Something has always been keeping here. Or_ someone_ if I had to be specific. I let a smirk grow on my face as I let my eyes wonder to the side. I hear Urahara get up."You may leave, Grimmjow. But please while you're in my school, follow the school rules." I nod at him. I jump out of my seat and hurry out his office. At the moment, I need to go in my little hiding spot before the bell goes off. As I exit, I see the counselor glare at me. I let my upper lip go up as I growl at her. She jumps back in surprise. I just chuckle.

People here are such _pussies._

Jeez.

Grow some _dicks._

***Ring, Ring***

Oh fuck me.

I stop from exiting the office when students bust open the classroom doors. I grip the door of the office and look around. How can anybody see with all these damn people in the way? I press myself against the wall to not get knocked on the ground. Though, I doubt anyone would dare do that. I see some people sneak glances at me with frighten faces. I twitch my nose and ignore them. I sigh when I hear yelling of probably some annoying jock team. Do they ever shut up? Does anybody in this world take a break from yapping their damn lips off?

"Have you seen Ichigo?I can't find him anywhere! And the test today!"I hear some girl ask. I turn my head and see my personal obsessions best friends in a group near the water fountain of where I sat. I scowl before stuffing my hands in my pocket and listening to their conversation.

"No. Do you think he's already in class?"The orange-haired woman says with the look of concern. I glare at them while squinting my eye. I've never liked that woman. Or matter fact I've never liked Kurosaki's friends at all. Maybe I was just that cold.

"Nah. He's always the last one in the class room. He's probably late. Let go to class."I sneer at the red-haired fool named Renji as he grabs the orange haired and black haired women hands. They all head to the class room without a second thought of where their friend could be. I do notice the look on Renji's face when he grabs their hands. It looks like suspicion. Like he wants to know where Kurosaki could be, but he knows it none of his business.

Guessing facial expressions and a good of hearing have always been my most talented treasures.

Fuck smarts, I got _gifts._

Once the hallways are halfway cleared, I hurry myself over to the water fountain. As always, I sit myself down on the floor. I let out a loud sigh of relaxation. Maybe this was the reason I came to school. I love small spaces. There so comfortable and I feel like a bug. Everyone so scared of me that they jump when they see me. No one can step on me because I'm not easy to kill. Hopefully, I don't get any bug spray near me.

The bell rings signaling the start of first period. I lift my knee up and place my arm on it. Silence. That's what I'm alive for. That and music. With those 2 things in my life, I could die happy. I let myself smirk. I never actually thought of the reason why I liked silence so much. Maybe it was the fact when I lived with my siblings, silence was never a word with them.

Now that I think about it, I wouldn't mind a little noise once awhile...

I wonder how they are.

Did Nel grow up to be as beautiful as I said she would be? She had always said she was ugly and fat. Did she understand that she wasn't? Did Nnoitra stop being a bitch all the time? I bet that fucker grew to be more than 7 feet. Is Ulquiorra still a stoic asshole? I hope not. I bet Starrk is still the lazy bum as always. Halibel's probably a nerd as always. The little glasses wearing freak. I don't even care for Luppi. Szayel will definably be the Science freak as he always was. If he changed I'll be pissed.

Damn, remembering them brings back alot of memories.

**January 3rd, 2005**

"_Grimmmmjjooowww! Whys did chu hit me?" Nel screamed as tears ran down her face. She wiped the tears off her face and looked at her arm that started to tingle. More tears gathered in her eyes."I'm telling Nnoi!" She shouted. 10 year old Grimmjow crossed his arms while looking up at his little sister who was in fact, taller than him._

_"I don't care! Go ahead! I'm not scared of him! Just because he's a giant doesn't mean I'm gonna be scared!"Grimmjow shouted back at her while stomping his little foot. Nel looked at her brother with more tears. Her teal hair was pushed into a ponytail as she wore pajamas. The children were inside the bathroom alone though they could be heard by even a deaf person. Grimmjow crossed his arms and looked at his sister."Besides, you deserved it! You should never call yourself ugly or fat! Cuz you're not! That make-up you put on just made you from being yourself to somebody else!"_

_Nel flinched at her brothers voice before looking at herself in the mirror on the stair stool. She had black mascara running down her face and lipstick that was put on horribly. She thought by putting on make-up that she would have looked like her mother who was gorgeous. She definably didn't look any better than before. Nel wiped her eyes from its tears and grabbed a paper towel to wipe off the disaster on her face._

_Grimmjow looked at his sister as she wiped the make-up off her face. He twiddled with his fingers in embarrassment. Why did he have to say something like that? Now Nel was gonna bother him more because he just complimented her. He ruined a opportunity to get her to leave him alone. Grimmjow placed his hand on his face before groaning._

_"Well, well, well. Looks like I have a story to tell dad."A deep feminine voice said behind him. Grimmjow jerked around to see his big sister who was staring at him through her black glasses. Halibel Tia coughed into her fist before looking at her sister Nel who was washing make-up off her face."And mom too."_

_"Mind your business, twat."Grimmjow mutter to her as he crossed his arms."No one asked for you to come in here."Halibel ignored him and pushed up her glasses with her middle finger._

_"Ya know, you could get shot from calling someone a twat. It's a disrespectful word to the women in the world private area's."_

_"Does it look like I care? The world needs to grow the hell up."_

_"Turd."_

_"What?"_

_"What?"_

_Grimmjow raised an eyebrow at his big sister when she left suddenly. Blinking, he scratched his blue locks to just comprehend what his sister just said. He was cut off when Nel threw some water at the back of his head. Grimmjow shouted at the cold splash and looked at his sister who was laughing at him."What the hell!?" He shouted._

_Nel chuckled as she threw some water in the air, making it fall all over the floor."I love water! It's so neat!" She yelled. She suddenly jumped down off the stair stole and went over to the shower. Turning on the faucet, water sprayed all over the floor from the shower head being pointed a different way. Nel just ignored it and clapped her hands."Oh my god! We're gonna make a pool in our house!"_

_"Are you mental!? Turn that thing off!"Grimmjow shouted at her. She didn't listen and just looked at the water spread. Grimmjow gulped before closing the bathroom door. Rolling up his sleeves and pants, he ran over to the shower to turn it off._

_*Pop*_

_The handle of the shower flew off making Grimmjow's eye's widen. More water spilled out of the shower head and even out the faucet more."Are you serious!? Why!?"Grimmjow yelled grabbing the handle. He struggled to put on the handle while Nel just grabbed her ruby duckies."Cheap ass house!"He shouted with water dripping down his face. He threw the handle and sat on his knees._

_They so were screwed..._

_He could hear Nel's laughter as she patted the water. Clutching his wet fist, Grimmjow turned around and looked at his sister."Hey Nel! Remember last year when you got into the pool?"He asked her. Nel looked up innocently._

_"Um...Yes..."She muttered in thought."I had dro-oh!"It struck her. Nel threw her ducks against the wall and hurried to her brother."We have to stop it! Nel doesn't want to drown again!"She yelled with tears gathering in her eyes. Grimmjow rolled his eyes and slapped his shoulders._

_"Then get on my shoulders and turn the shower head the right way!"He said. Nel nodded with a simple yes._

_Meanwhile..._

_"Hey... give me some."Nnoitra muttered to his brother, Szayel. Szayel looked up from eating some chips and doing his homework to stare at Nnoitra. He threw the bag of chips on the floor causing some of it too spill. Nnoitra took a handful of chips and continued to play on his game-boy. They ignored the sounds of yelling in the hallway and just figured it was mom and dad."Hey, wheres Halibel?"_

_"She's in her room as always."Szayel responded pushing up his glasses."She never comes out of that thing, I tell you."_

_"She's probably texting a boyfriend or some crap. Ya know she just joined Middle School."Nnoitra told him while placing another chip in his mouth."I'm surprised Starrk hasn't got a girlfriend."_

_"Because I don't need one."13 year old Starrk answered. He sat at the edge of the couch with his head upside down. His brown locks fell to the ground and his body hung."Besides, I think I like men more."That gained Szayel's and Nnoitra's attention quickly. Nnoitra spit out a chip and stared in shock._

_"What? You like men?"He almost shouted. Starrk didn't seem bothered by their shocked faces and just nodded."You're the least person I suspected as gay. I always suspected Luppi or even Szayel."Szayel scoffed and crossed his arms._

_"Yeah right. Like I'd date a man. That's disgusting."_

_"Oh fuck off, Szayel. You practically drool when we pass the High School soccer team full of men."Nnoitra said looking at his brother."Don't act like we don't notice when you do it all the time."_

_"Shut up Nnoi! You're so annoying! Mind your own business!"Szayel yelled slamming his homework down."You alw-"_

_*Slam!*_

_A big crash interrupted there conversation. Nnoitra immediately jumped up in concern."Do think that was Nel?"He asked his brothers. They shrugged. Nnoitra walked up to their room door and opened it. He was surprised to see water trails at the end of the hall."Did any of you leave the fountain sink on?"He was replied by simple shakes of no. Nnoitra eyebrows scurried in confusion."It's probably Grimmjow. The little short midget."_

_Nnoitra crossed his arms as he made his way to the bathroom.  
_

* * *

_"Did you get it, Nel!?"Grimmjow yelled spitting water out of his mouth. Nel looked at the shower head that was perfectly straight and pouring into the tub. She smiled at her work._

_"I think so-WAH!" Grimmjow flinched when Nel fell off his shoulders and into the tub full of water. Nel screamed in horror."I'm drowning! Help!"She shouted flapping her arms everywhere. Grimmjow face palmed himself and grabbed Nel's hand._

_"Just stand up Nel."_

_._

_._

_._

_"Oh."_

_"We need to get some towels to clean this up before dad gets home."Grimmjow said to as he jumped out the tub. Nel followed him by getting out the tub, but ended up falling again. Grimmjow sighed and slid, yes slid, his way over to the closet. He looked up and saw a bunch of towels on the shelf. Jumping, he hit the shelf. The shelf broke instantly as towels towered down. He kicked the cloths out the closet and looked at Nel."I told you this was a cheap ass house." Nel tilted her head in shock."You clean the toilet and sink. I got the floor."_

_"Yes sir!" Nel gathered a bunch of towels in her hand and went up her stair stole. Grimmjow jumped on the towels on the floor and began to slide his way across the floor. To tell the truth, he was having a bit of fun. Grimmjow gave a small smile. It was a good piece of fun he hadn't had in a while. Sure, he had most fun playing and learning piano. But actually having fun without that was pretty relaxing._

_"WELL. WELL. WELL. IF IT ISN'T THAT MIDGET CAT CAUSING ANOTHER MESS."A loud shout went through the bathroom. Grimmjow and Nel jumped at the sound and looked at their brothers, Nnoitra, Szayel and Starrk who stood at the front of the bathroom door. Nnoitra gave a big smirk and looked down at Grimmjow."What did you do? Piss everywhere?"_

_"Go away, Nnoitra."Grimmjow mumbled picking up the towel off the floor."I don't have time for you."_

_"What did you say you little punk!?"Nnoitra shouted raising his fist."Realize who you're talking to before you speak, Midget Cat!"Grimmjow remained unfazed by his taller brother. Nnoitra shook his fist in anger at being ignored. He absolutely hated his brother. His blue hair, blue eyes, and even his short stature! Everything about him was irritating! Raising his fist, he went in for a hit._

_*Slam*_

_"OUCH!"Nnoitra yelled as he was pushed into the closet. His head hit the wall making him see stars. All he could see was Nel closing the closet door and a click."H-hey..."He stuttered."You didn't lock it did you?" There was no sound. Nnoitra stood up and twisted the handle."YOU LITTLE SHIT NEL! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE! LET ME OUT!"_

_Nel wiped her hands from the invisible dusk and looked at Szayel and Starrk."Are you gonna help us or not?"She almost shouted. They both shook there head hurriedly. Grimmjow picked up some towels before throwing it at them._

_"Help clean the floor. Szayel, I need your help to fix the shower handle."_

That day ended there. It was the most best days of my life as a child. Nnoitra was trapped in the closet. Nel stopped doubting her looks. Szayel soon became interested in Science after realizing he was good at fixing and analyzing things. Starrk soon became very, very interested in water and joined the swimming club. Luppi heard about our incident and found out about Nel having make-up. That's when he started getting interested in cross-dressing. Ulquiorra found out and just didn't care of course. Halibel learned that our house was a cheap ass piece of shit.

I guess you could say it was all because of me.

And maybe a bit of Nel. I won't take all the credit.

As a child, I was very calm and collected. Never really got mad easily. I have no reason why. You could say I was a cat. A midget cat as Nnoi always called me. I was soft, calm, and never really got why people got angry so fast. I liked to travel and not stay in the same place. I only got angry when people invaded my space or my comfort.

I'm not like that now. I get angry really quickly. I take everything seriously somehow. The principle always said it was stress. I don't understand how. I didn't really know what stress is. I still don't. I just know whenever someone makes a simple mistake like looking at me or maybe even accidentally bump into me, I'd get angry. Furious you could say. It started after the day I was expelled.

Maybe I was naturally just an angry person.

Hopefully, that would change someday. But for now, I'll stick to being myself. Cause that's all I can really be in this boring world.

* * *

**December 2nd, 2013**

**7:01-am**

"Be careful, alright? Do great on the test!"

"Okay."

"Oh yeah, I made you some lunch too! There's lots of fruits as always! And if your hand hurts, tell Renji and he'll help! Okay?"

"Okay."

"Darn! I need to write you a note don't I?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Anyway, did I tell you to do great on the test? Do great on the test!"

"Yes, Kaien."I whispered as Kaien babied me. He acted as if I could die from a simple hand wound. I could have died from many other things than this. Sighing, I look at my brother who was currently writing down a note to why I was so late. I could see his dark brownish green eyes that were filled with worry and passion. I've always adored Kaien. He was strong. He was nice. He was kind. He didn't shout unless he needed to. One day, I hope I could go to college, follow my dream with a nice partner and get married. I hope one day my memories will be thrown out and filled with good ones.

I raise my arm and look at my bandaged hand. It was put on perfectly and wasn't uncomfortable at all. Kaien could be a damn doctor is he wanted to. He could be anything. He was good a sports, drawings, acting, playing instruments and more. There wasn't anything he couldn't do. If there was, he wouldn't give up in till he mastered it. I've loved Kaien my whole life. I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for him. The only bad thing about it was-

"Here ya go!"Kaien literally yelled in the small car we were in. He stuck the note in the pen pocket of my uniform. Giving a smile, he unlocked the door."Have a nice day!"He says in his everyday voice. I give a small smile and open the car door. The coldness surrounded me as white fog blew out my mouth. It was cold. The smell of the warmth near my brother is gone.

Looking back, I wave at Kaien as he drives off. I gulp and immediately clutch my wrist.

_It wasn't in a brotherly way..._

* * *

**7:15-am**

I've never noticed how long it takes to get to class. I walk up the steps of my school silently. It's quiet. All you could hear were teachers talking and possibly pencils moving. I sigh loudly making it echo. I've never noticed how much the quiet could appeal to me sometimes. Though, being alone is my fears. Couldn't I live in a world where I see people talk, but I couldn't hear them? I give a small smile at the heavenly thoughts. As I push a orange lock behind my ear, I hear double footsteps. I notice I'm in the hallway that has all my classes. I looked around. It's empty, so why do I hear footsteps?

_'You're a disgrace. Killing your mother, dating a 21 year old man and being a slut for falling for your own brother.'_

I clutch my book bag in my hands when I hear the voice. The dark, echoing voice. The footsteps get louder and louder. I cover my ears to silence it. It doesn't work.

_'Go away, Ichigo! You've ruined our family! Go die in a ditch!'_ I hear the voice in my head say.

'_You disgust me. How could you? How could such a failure be born from mom?'_ It's mocking me. It's mocking my family. It mocking everything that caused me to become like this.

_'Why Ichigo? WHY? OUR ONLY HAPPINESS? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?'_ I didn't mean too...It was an accident.

_'You? A Kurosaki? Please! I've come to think you were born from a different woman than Masaki. A son of ours would never, ever, ever do such a thing. You are a disappointing wreck. The only reason you're here is because Kaien wants you here. When he realizes how much pain you've caused us and him, you will be out of my house.'_

Black liquid runs down the hallway walls. Darkness starts to form around me. I can sense those hands. Those hands that want me to fall into darkness and die. They want me to become one of them. I look down at my shadow. I see a monster with hands sprawling around me. I see 2 horns on my head and long finger nails. I feel myself flinch.

_'You're only a boy who's afraid of his own shadow...'_

"Hezzhzzzhz? Are yozhzh okazhz?"

Who is this? Who is this deep voice speaking to me? I don't recognize it. It's deep. It's relaxing. It's not evil like the ones in my head.

"Do yozhz need the nurszzhz?"

Nurse? They won't help. Medication is only an illusion to my body.

"Hey! ANSZHWER ME!"

A yell invades. I take my hands off my ears to hear it closely.

"Stupid ginger."

What? Ginger? Reality returns as I open my suddenly closed eyes. I see a chest with a black jacket. A strong one for that matter. Looking up, I see blue cerulean eyes looking at me through enormous glasses.

_'Beat...'_

He was wearing all black that he could be mistaken as a person who was going to a school funeral. He wore a long-sleeved black shirt with skinny jeans and biker boots. He had a ton of ear piercings. A gauge and a couple more on it. What surprised me the most was the square clear glasses on his face.

That made me look at his face more too. He had a tiny mole under his eye that I'm concerned on how I saw it and high cheekbones. His lips were small and unlike any other guy I've known. His nose was straight and just perfect. He could be a model if I had known what was under that black beanie he was wearing. I then looked at his eye brows.

Damn, he must have really wanted to keep his hair color a secret if he really dyed them blue.

Then it hits me for a second.

Have I ever even seen this guy before? I've pretty much talked to half of the school population, but him. I've never seen him before. Was he new? Was he one of those quiet ones? He couldn't be. I would notice. Scrunching up my eyebrows, I gulp. Could he be a...stranger? Did he have a gun? He doesn't have a uniform! He has to be a stranger! I mean look at him! He looks ridiculous in all that black! Why isn't the principle calling the warning!? He could kill all the people in this school right know! Why am I shaking? He might kill Rukia or..or Renji! Wait a second...

**WHY AM I AGAINST THE WALL?**

* * *

_'The fuck?'_ I blinked at Kurosaki was staring at me with horror in his eyes. I should be the one looking like that! I see him walk up into the hallways and suddenly he falls onto the floor like a piece of baloney! His eyes are closed and looked like he's dead! I had hesitated for a second before seeing if he was okay. I had to push him against the wall to make sure he was stood up. Then next thing ya know, his eyes blink open. He stares at me before the look of a scared little boy comes on his face.

*Slap!*

"OUCH WHAT THE HELL!?"I scream loudly covering my face that stung from the slap he gave me. I groaned and bit my lip. That sunvabitch could hold a mean punch! Looking up, I see Kurosaki raising a fist. My eye's widened as I caught his fist in my hand. He looked surprised for a second before he raised his left leg and kicked my shin. Shouting, I fell to the floor with my shin aching in pain."You fucking stupid, bitch, fucking twat ass murder!"I yell at him. He looks down at me with a glare.

"Did you touch me? How old are you? 30? 27? You stupid pedophile! I'm only 17 you douche!" He shouts at me. I twitch my nose and grab his pant leg. He gasps as he falls down on the ground with the wall hitting him as a bonus. He groans in pain and holds his head.

"Oh fucking congrats on the government saying that a person who is only a year older than you is a fucking pedophile! I'm only 18, you douche!"I say mocking his voice. He stares at me surprised. I ignore him and look at my leg."Oh great, you probably caused a bruise! Thank you Taiga Aisaka!"Kurosaki blinks at me before scowling again.

"It doesn't matter how old you are! You were staring at me weren't you? With your weird eyes! You creep!"He shouts. I'm surprised no one in the classrooms came barging out to see what the yelling was."Also, I'm a man! Not a girl! Don't compare to this Taiga Aisaka!" Rolling my eyes, I look up at him with serious eyes.

"Yeah, okay. You may have a dick, but that doesn't change that you are tsundere little bitch! Calm the fuck down!"I replied. It would be odd if we fought right now. Both sitting on the floor, yelling like animals, and both probably have a bruise."Also, I wasn't looking or touching you! I was helping you because you looked like you were a baloney!"

"A baloney? I'm a piece of meat now!? Well guess-the-fucking what! You look like a CAT."He said. I glared at him in anger. Who was I talking too? Was this really Ichigo Kurosaki? The nicest guy you will ever meet in school?  
The guy that I had unconditionally had an obsession with? I could feel anger swish around in my head as I stared a the red face of Kurosaki Ichigo. Raising my hand, I prepared to punch the day lights out of him. He looked shocked as he saw a fist come towards him.

In-till a little someone grabbed my fist and twisted it. Shouting in pain, I looked up at the eyes of Kisuke Urahara. For the first time, I really felt like I was gonna kill somebody.

Today was not the best day for me. Nope...not at all.

**M**r_s_. **M**_a_n**i**_c- Thank you for reading! Next chapter will be up soon. _


	2. I'm Fine

**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Bleach_.

Sorry for grammar mistakes and spelling mistakes. I'm working my best at it. :)

* * *

_"You're infatuated with me?"My feet curl at the sound of his British accent when he ask me that. He smirks at me."You really aren't the Kurosaki I know, are you?"I look at him for a second. There's silence between us before I open my mouth._

_"...Depends on which one you're looking for..."_

**~...~**

**December 2nd, 2013**

**7:30-am**

**Principle's Office...**

"Do you have any type of self control!? Or are you just a beast!?"

A shout echoed through the office of the principles. Urahara slammed his palm on his forehead in disappointment. I sighed at his loud shouting and placed my pinky in my ear. I flinched as the bandage on my leg started to throb. Jesus Christ, who knew a damn hard kick in the shin could hurt so much? Situating myself in the chair, I begin to become bored. Urahara was a complaining robot as ever. But seriously, we hardly even fought. He's taking it way over the damn top. I let my eyes wonder over to my secret obsession. He was sitting feet away from me with a band aid on his forehead. I let my upper lip go up in disgust.

Kurosaki was a fake. I'm surprised I haven't noticed before. He was all nice at school and such. He acted like a prince. The Kurosaki I know would simply observe the conversation of what happened minutes ago. Supposedly, that's what I liked about Kurosaki. How calm he was and how he took things and turned them into something exciting. His cheerful attitude was what brought me to like him. He reminded me of Nel. Though, I don't think I'd like to date my sister.

But no. Kurosaki decided to slap me and kick me in shin. He decided to do it the hard way and start a fight.

I'm glad I made him hit his head.

I twitch my nose as I stare at him. I notice his small nose and freckled cheeks. His skin was tan and looked smooth. His lips were plump and glossy. I've known they were plump, but never have I seen his face so close to where I could see every detail. His cheeks were secretly chubby. I bet I could squeeze them like a baby. I give a little inward chuckle. I could also see his eyelashes. They curled up and brought out his light eyes. Jeez, how can he be anything far from perfect?

Wow, what the hell Jaegerjaquez? What the fuck are you saying? Remember, this guys two-faced._ Calm down_.

"Jaegerjaquez? Are you evening listening!?" I hear a yell. Snapping out of my thoughts, I look at Urahara who was looking at me. I raise my eyebrows a little in confusion.

"What?"

"Jesus Christ."He says running his hand down his face. My eyebrows drop as I ignore him. My eyes then look over to Kurosaki's expression. He looks disappointing and sad. Whoa, what the fuck did Urahara say to make him that sad?

"I said that you have to clean the tennis club room and field for about a week for punishment. You will have to stay after school so you will have to have rides."As soon as the word 'you have' was heard in my ear, my jaw dropped. I have to clean up some stupid fucking tennis ball players shit?

"What the hell?"I let my mouth blurt out loudly. I see at the corner of my eye Kurosaki look at me and some other teachers near the office door."This is for punishment? Bullshit! I'm not picking up some stupid balls in the winter!Why is tennis even available when its suppose to snow today!?Are you fucking serious!?" I see a security guard suddenly walk in making me lose my temper. Did all these assholes think I was gonna punch the principle today?Ha, how childish!

I'd rather fuckin' kill him!

"Do we have a problem with it, Jaegerjaquez?"Urahara asked me. I scoffed and shrugged my shoulders.

"Oh well I don't know! I'm guessing my whole fucking statement seconds ago wasn't the answer you were looking for? Touch luck, I gave my opinion. I don't have the time to be sick at this rate I'm going at my life. You want me to have punishment? Fine! Give me something I can do that won't affect my health, thank you!"I finish. I lean back in my chair and cross my arms. Urahara doesn't look amused. He turned his head to Kurosaki and gives a small smile.

"How do you feel about it, Kurosaki-kun?"I let my eyes wonder to hear the red-heads answer. Kurosaki looks up before giving a smile back at Urahara.

"I prefer to work outside sir."

That little...!

_TWAT._

I grind my teeth and let my finger nails dig into my arms. Kurosaki was dead. If I ever find him somewhere where he's alone, I'll destroy him. He won't ever be able to walk again.

_'...That means **2** things...'_

I let a small blush rise on my cheeks at my statement. I try and shake the perverted thoughts out my head and fill them with appropriate ones. Kurosaki was an enemy now! He wasn't allowed to take my affection anymore! Fuck him!

"It's settled then. Instead of working for cleaning tennis, you will come to school as early as possible and clear the side walks of the school for snow. It's suppose to be a snow shower for 2 weeks. You will be coming to school early for only 1 week. I myself will apply jackets and gloves for warmth. They will only be available after school so be waiting. If there are any further more interruptions between you Jaegerjaquez or, though I doubt, you Kurosaki, I will add an extra week. If you still cause further interruptions, you will be ordered to clean the old music room. If you both successfully do this in only a week, I will give you both a chance to miss school for only 2 days."

I bite my lip in question. Clean snow off the sidewalks with free jackets? It could still get me sick. But miss school for 2 days? I hardly even go to classes so that 2 days wouldn't really matter to me. As punishment, cleaning the sidewalks doesn't sound as bad as picking up a thousand of tennis balls in the cold snow. I give a small smirk.

"Deal."

* * *

**7:38-am**

I let out a big breath of nervousness in my system as me and the blue-haired prick are let out the office. I could have had a heart attack! That was only my first time in Mr. Urahara's office for punishment! Sure, Mr. Urahara was a funny, playful guy, but he could be scary as hell when he wanted too. Sadly, it didn't really seem to work on the punk. It seemed like he had been in the office so much that it was like his home. I push an orange lock behind my ear and gulp. Lets hope he doesn't cause any trouble that could affect our detention

"Eh, Ginger."I look up from on the ground to stare at big square glasses. The smell of a mush of fruits fills my nose making me relaxed. His eyes throw me into a deep day dream. Blinking, I regain my senses and stare at him.

"What?"I say simply with a scowl on my face. The punk chuckles and looks down at me like I'm some sort of midget.

"Don't cause any trouble. I don't to see your face near me again."With that, he walks away like he's the most bad-ass person in the whole world. I feel anger burst through me when he tells me that. _'Who the hell does he think he is? Some type of elegant adonis? Well guess what Mr. Adonis! Looks don't matter if you're an asshole!'_ I think to myself as I cross my arms.

"Hey!"I shout to him as he starts to walk up the steps to the senior hallway floor. He ignores me and continues walking. Did he just fucking ignore ME? How can he be so...

CALM?

"You DICK."I yell at him while not noticing some teachers were looking at me. I look over and see the eye's of my gym teacher. Mr. Zaraki gives a thumps up at me and wiggles his eyebrows. I then notice what I said and covered my mouth. Quickly, I bow to the teachers in the office."I'm so sorry..!Excuse me!" After finally apologizing, I run after the blue-haired dude who was completely out of my sight.

I run up the steps to the Senior floor to see no one there."The hell? Where did he go?"I say to myself. He just walked up here seconds ago. He couldn't go anywhere that quickly, could he? Hell, I don't even know his name. Sighing, I tug my orange locks in frustration. The fact that I got told off from an asshole like him makes me angry. How could a person be so rude when you just met them?

_'Well,you started it._'My inner thoughts say. I tilt my head in wonder and think. Yeah, it might of been my fault. Maybe hitting him in the shin was too rough? Did he play soccer or track? He looks like a boxer personally. He could probably punch the daylights out of me without evening trying. I twitch my nose in disappointment. I hope I didn't ruin anybodies dream _again_.

_'Fuck that, he made you hit your head._' Oh yeah, he did! That dick! I could get a head concussion from this! Luckily he didn't, or Kaien would probably kill someone.

...Kaien!

Pulling out my phone in my pocket, I begin to call Kaien to tell him I'll be late. I hear the beeping of the phone as I hear my brothers voice in a whisper."Kaien?"I ask him to see if he is listening. He's quiet. He doesn't say anything for a second making me worried."Kaien?"

"Yeah?"His voice is raspy and sounds like he just woke up. But it also sounds like something else that I can't put my finger on. Putting my other hand on my arm, I gulp.

"I'll be a-little late coming home." I say. Once again, I hear nothing but silence. My shoulders drop as I scold myself for evening calling him.

_He doesn't want to talk to you. He's at college, learning and trying to become something. He doesn't have time to deal with you. Just leave him alone for one.  
_

"Okay."Was the reply."That it?"He says. It sounds like he's in a hurry.

_A hurry to get away from you._

"Yeah...bye."I tell him. I try to add a smile on my face.

***Click***

Looking at the phone, I see he hung up. I can feel sadness rising inside of me. He hung up. He never hangs up. He'd usually say bye with his happy voice. Was there something wrong? Did I do something wrong? Was he late for his classes? Did he see my journal? Worry masks me. No, he couldn't. He has class. Could he be hurt? No, if he was, he would call dad. I clutch my phone before it shuts off automatically.

Then I see it. My reflection in my phone.

This is why I hate mirrors.

My face.

Those horns...

My eyes...

Blood...

Dropping my phone, I quickly run down the hall to the bathroom. I don't notice 2 pairs of eye's watching me closely.

* * *

**7:45-am**

"Yeah...bye."I hear Kurosaki say on this phone. I stood in between my normal place. The water fountain. He couldn't see me from his point of view. I peek my head over to see Kurosaki staring at his phone with a worried face. Who was he even talking too? I stare at him longer for my own interest. I see his eye's widen as he drops his phone. My eyebrows furry up in confusion. I see him run down the hall and into the bathroom. It wasn't really a smart idea to leave his phone out in the open.

...Sigh...

Standing up, I jump out of my hiding place and walk over to where his phone his. I put my hood over my head that was under my shirt. I place my hands in pockets in mystery. As soon as I reach where his phone was, I see didn't break. Taking my hands out my pockets, I grab the phone and look at it. It was a plain black phone. I press the on button and the first thing I see as a lock screen picture was...

I tilt my head and look at the picture. It was a Vincent Van Gogh painting from what I saw. I would guess it was called Sunflowers. I'm not sure. I'm not much of a painter. It looked like a good picture. Perfectly drawn and painted. Well, my big question was. Why did Kurosaki have a picture of this?

"Ah. Who cares."I mutter to myself."Let's just return it before he calls out that I'm a robber."I make my way down to the bathroom with thoughts on my mind. Maybe Kurosaki wanted to be a painter. How neat. I've never seen him go to art class though. Nor have I really seen him in any sports. Not choir. Now that I think about it, all I've ever seen Kurosaki do was study and get good grades. Did he even have a dream? Odd. A boy like him would look like he had his future planned. I stop outside the restroom and lean on the wall near it.

How long was he gonna be in there? He's been in there for at-least 5 minutes. Maybe he fell in the toilet. I chuckle to myself and slap the phone on my thigh in a boring way. I then hear the sound of the toilet flushing and water running. The water stops and I hear paper towels being piped out. Then I hear another. And another.

How much paper towels does this guy need? Sighing, I open the door to the bathroom to say something. I see a flash of orange in my face making me jump back. Kurosaki came out the bathroom calm and collected as ever. I raise an eyebrow in confusion. How can a man come out the bathroom so calmly? Kurosaki looks at me before holding out his hand.

"Phone."He says like I'm a dog. I scowl and slam the phone into his hands. Kurosaki gives a smirk and clutches his phone."Now, unlike you. I have a class to go to. So how about you scatter along back to your cave." He walks away with his feet clicking the ground. I stand there and try to comprehend on what just happened. Did I just get told off? By a little geek like him!? I clutch my fist and turn around.

"You little shit!"I shout back at him. Kurosaki just chuckles as he puts his hand on his classroom door. He stares at me from a long distance.

"I've been called much more worse things, so work on your vocabulary."

I hear the sound of the door closing to the classroom. I blink to myself before realizing what I just said. I slap my hand on my face in embarrassment. Did I really just say that? Sunavabitch. I'm so stupid. He's been called much worse things? Man, a lot of people must not like his real personality. I'm not surprised. I sigh and scratch behind my ear."I need some sleep."I say to myself as I begin to walk back to my hiding spot.

*Tap*

I stop walking when I feel something at my foot. Looking down, I see a paper towel. I scoff. Kurosaki must of dragged his trash with him. I pick up the paper towel and throw it in the trash can in the corner of the hallway. I sigh and rub my hands together. I stop when I feel liquid in my hand. I look at my fingers and see blood on my index finger."Blood? Was Kurosaki bleeding?"I whisper silently. I rub the blood between my fingers and sighed."Great, now I gotta wash this geek blood off."I head over to the bathroom and open the door. When I first walked in, I smelt this odd smell. It smelt weird. Like someone puked. I scrunch my nose and head over to the sink. Turning the water on, I wash my fingers. Blood drips down the drain. I stare at the sink for a while in wonder.

_Was Kurosaki hurt? Did his head bleed again?_

_Didn't he have a hand bandage? Maybe he was bleeding there_

_He probably just had an accident._

So many thoughts run through my head. I get as much blood off my hand because who knows what diseases Kurosaki might have. When I'm finished, I grab a paper towel. I wipe my hands and reach for another one. I can't. I realize it's empty. I scowl and cross my arms in wonder. Kurosaki had blood on his paper towel. The bathroom smelled like puke. He used alot of paper towels. He stayed in the bathroom for a longtime.

Was...was he a girl!? Don't women have those things called periods? I wouldn't be surprised if he had a vagina. With how curvy he is, I'm shocked he wasn't considered one. I place my hand on my chin. But why was he throwing up? Or she? Was he pregnant! What the hell!?

Or maybe it was something else. Was it...

No. I don't think Kurosaki would do that, would he? His life is so perfect. He has no reason. I lick my lips and looked at myself in the mirror. The only reason he would do that was if there was something wrong with his family life. His school life was perfect. I've seen his brother, and he seemed like a nice guy. His family had to be great. His life couldn't be that bad...

I stare at myself in the mirror for a while in thought. I was confused. I don't really know what to do right now. I can't really go back to sleep after I know this. Matter of fact, I think it'd be best if I stayed awake for more-

***Ring ring!***

"Oh for fucks sake."

* * *

_::::Toothpicks And Papercuts::::_

_:::Chapter 2:::_

_:::I'm Fine:::_

**2:40-pm**

**Almost the end of school...**

I bounce my foot up and down in the classroom I was in. The voice of my history teacher echoed the room. My notes for the test were already wrote down on my paper since I've already known about the topic. My arm has been throbbing in pain for the last hours. I've ignored it as always. It was the second-last period and I was ready to go home and sleep. I then remember I have to go get a coat from Urahara. I inwardly groan to myself as I place my forehead on my desk.

"Kurosaki, is there something boring about my lesson?"The history teacher asks me. I look up from the desk to stare at my teacher.

"No, Ms. Yoruichi. I already know about this topic. I've got all my notes already written down." I tell her with a fast smile Ms. Yoruichi just nods and turns the page of her book.

"Very well, but I still expect you to pay attention in class. You might find out something you don't know."She tells me. I ignore her and lean in my desk chair. I could see at the corner of my eye, Renji look at me. I tap my pencil at the edge of my desk and turn my head to look at him. I give a reassuring smile to him making him look away.

Renji was such a worry wart. Always looking at me from time to time to see if I'm okay. Most of the time I'm not. But that's everyday. A smile can be deceiving. I bite my lip and look around the classroom.

There's always that empty seat near the window. No one since the beginning of school sat there. It was empty, yet it belonged to someone. The teacher never called out who's seat it was. There was an empty seat in every class I was in that it made me a little uncomfortable. It was always near the window. Was it one of those 'haunted' chairs? I scoff to myself and tap my chin. Then a thought rushes to mind.

_'What about that prick punk? Does he even go to class?'_ I ask myself._'He should. Where else would he go?_' I twist my lips to the side in wonder. That guy was mysterious too. With all the black on, he could really be labeled a serial killer. He should watch out before he gets stabbed. I roll my eyes and turn my head to the center of the class.

"Kurosaki. How about you exit my class if you are not going to listen?"I jump at the sound of my teachers voice. She's looking at me with a glare. I notice most of the students eyes on me. Did she call on me or something?"Kurosaki. Out. Class is over in 5 minutes so you'll be fine."I hear her say. I sag my shoulders and grab my book-bag. Stuffing my stuff in there, I head out the class nonchalantly. Ms. Yoruichi never fails to embarrass me. She doesn't know about how I really am, but my facade never worked on her. I open the door to the class and close it. I lean against the wall and slide my way down to sit on the clean floor.

It wasn't the first time I was put out a class. Most of them are all because I don't pay attention in class. Yet, some teachers don't realize that even if I don't study, I'll still get an A. I don't know why I'm so smart. I guess it was a gift. A gift I don't really care about. Most people think I should be a teacher. Wait, no, the whole school population thinks I should be a teacher.

A teacher? Never. I can't handle being a teacher. I couldn't handle all the pressure of stares. I'd probably quit on the first day. I sigh loudly and pull my legs up to my chest.

*Tap...Tap*

My eyes quiver at the sound of something tapping against an object. I let my eyes wonder up to see a finger. Not any finger though. I immediately scowl when I notice all the black only feet away from me.

"What the hell are you doing out here? Don't you go to class?"I ask the, as far as I know from his eyebrows, blue-haired prick in front of me. He was between the water fountain and wall. It was such a small space that I was surprised he could fit in there. He such shrugs and continues tapping his finger against the water fountain next to him. I sigh in aggravation."Could you stop?"I ask him. He shakes his head no."You're an asshole."I almost shout at him. He chuckles."It's not something to laugh at."

"How do you do it?"He asks me. I freeze for a second in wonder. What was he asking me? I gulp and stare up at him. He continues to stare at me with those mysterious eyes of his threw his enormous glasses.

"What do you mean?"

"How can you be a bitch for one minute and so calm the next? Is it a talent?"He asks me. I see him stop tapping and look at his index finger. He rubs his thumb and finger together making me think. Why was he doing that? Did he know something? My heart beats faster as I see him look up at me again."You have a picture of a painting on your phone, yet you don't paint or seem to have any interest in it. You don't play any sports. Do you even have a dream? Any thoughts?"I can feel my hands shaking. He bites his lip before sitting up in his spot."You took alot of paper towels from the bathroom. One had blood on it. The bathroom smelt like vomit."

I can't say anything. I don't know whats happening. One minute I come out a classroom. The other is a man I just met today, actually having clues of what I do to myself everyday.

"Kurosaki, are you really as perfect as people say you are?-

_...or are you just hiding that fact that you arn't?"_

My hearts beating fast. I can't breathe as my skin feels like it's dead. The world around me isn't here anymore. My clutch my legs while my eyes are widen.

How...

How can a boy I met today know that I suffer from so many things...with only a few clues of evidence...in only a day?

Yet.

_No one else can't. They always think I'm fine. They always think I'm happy. They always think that the only words Kurosaki was known for was smart, nice and fun._

_I'm not fine. I'll admit it everyday. I won't deny it. I know I'm not fine though I say I am. I know that when I look at myself, I see a monster. I know that I think as myself as an ugly, disgusting person. I know I'm ugly with all these scars.  
_

_I've never gave off any vibe of my depression. So I don't know why I cried every night wished somebody would help me. Kaien helped me with hallucination. He gave me sleeping pills and would never leave my side instead of school. He didn't help me stop cutting or stop making myself vomit. He always wanted a doctor to help. I've been to a therapist and a doctor. It doesn't work at all. All it does is make you feel worse. Kaien always told me after I refused to go anymore, that maybe I would fine someone who would find out and would help me.  
_

_I didn't believe it. _

_But the blue-haired punk found out in only a day.  
_

_Now's he's gonna pity me. He's gonna feel sorry for me. Just like Renji when he found out.  
_

I blink my eyes hurriedly of the tears at the end of my eyes. I keep them in my eyes so they won't drop. I still had a chance. I could deny it. My mouth moves, but I don't know what I said.

***Ring..Ring!***

The doors of the classroom's burst open. Students run down the halls like crazy. Shouts and screams are yelled for no reason. I don't turn my head.

Those cyan eyes are on me. They don't move. He looks at me. He doesn't blink at all. The hallways are crowded, yet he still looked at me. I stare back at him with worry. He looks plain. I said something, but I don't remember what I said. What did I say? I stutter as I move my mouth. What the hell did I say!? Why can't I remember!? I look back and forth at the blue-haired boys eyes. There's no type of emotion at all! I clutch my knees and gulp.

"Hey, Ichigo, are you coming?"I jump as I hear the voice my Renji beside me. I look at him and see Rukia and Orihime next to him. I quickly give a smile at them and nod.

"Sorry. I was distracted. Lets go."Renji helps me off the ground and brushes some dust off my shirt. I thank him and begin to walk down the hallway. I hear Rukia talk to me, but I don't hear her. All I can hear is the sound of my gut twisting as I still feel those scary, mysterious blue eyes on me.

* * *

...

...

...

...

...

**3:34-pm**

I give a small sigh while I walk up the steps to my apartment building. Key's were jiggling in my hand as I nonchalantly made my way to my door. I look inside my mail and pull out some papers. After I look at them, I put my key into the hole and open my door. The smell of home filled my nose. I give a small smirk and welcome the smell. Nothing was better than entering your home after a long day of sitting between a water fountain.

After 5th period, I left for home to relax before I went back to get my coat for detention. It was a good idea. I could use some spare time. I close the door behind me and immediately shag my beanie off my head. My blue natural locks fall onto my shoulders and over my face. I sigh and run my hand through my hair that was surprisingly not tangled. I reach down and take off my shirt showing my bare chest. I left my jeans, glasses and boots on since I was gonna go back to school soon. I literally run myself over to my favorite chair.

The chair was comfy and soft. I could fall asleep in it with no problem. If I had no house, I wouldn't need anything but this chair. I kick my feet back an forth. I look around my apartment. It had simply a couch, a kitchen in the living room and one bedroom and bathroom. I hardly used the kitchen since I usually ordered take out. I don't sleep in my bedroom. Of course I used the bathroom and living room. I twitch my nose and look over next to me. The first thing I see was my mother in a picture.

I've never mentioned this before, but I've had 2 mothers. Pretty much all my brothers and sisters had different mothers. In all, my father had gotten probably 8 women pregnant or at least 7. You could say he was a polygamist, but he never married any woman but my step mother, Rebecca. After the women had the baby, he threw the woman away and never spoke to them again. All my father wanted was children. He didn't care about the women. Nel's mother was a prostitute. Starrk's mother was some country women. Nnoitra's mother was a Korean woman. Luppi was adopted. Szayel's was a American woman. Halibel's was a Indian woman. Ulquiorra's mother died at birth. The there's my mom, who was a beautiful British woman.

Aizen got married to my other mother, Rebecca, because of her beauty imposingly and money. Starrk, Halibel and Ulquiorra were only 7 at the time and Me, Nel, Nnoitra, Luppi and Szayel were 4. We accepted at how young we were. She was kind and beautiful. But soon, she became a monster we didn't like.

My father always wondered why I didn't like my biological mother. My biological mother was the only woman my father actual let meet me after I was born. My real mother visited me every week in-till I turned 2. At the time, she was my world. She was my everything. When I saw her as a baby, I could remember myself going crazy. Screaming all over the place once I smelled her perfume. I'm surprised I remember her so much. I was only a child when I met her.

On my birthday, she didn't come to my birthday party. I was sad. Disappointed. My whole day was ruined. After another day, she didn't come. After a week, she didn't come. After a month, she didn't come. Then a year passed.

I found out she left to become a singer by my father. I was shocked. Though I was still a child, I thought.

_Who would go to America, without evening saying goodbye, and leave your only child? Did you really not care?_

I soon hated my mother. I hated her so much I wanted to dye my hair to my fathers color. I despised women for a while too in till I was 9. I had a little crush on a girl who was a normal, popular child. She turned out to not like me in the end. I wasn't surprised at all. I knew it was coming.

I scowl at the picture I was looking at. I still don't remember why I keep a picture of my real mother. Maybe it was a good memory?

Nah...

I slap the picture down so I don't have to see it anymore. I give a small cough before standing up out of my favorite chair. I walk over to my refrigerator in the surprisingly clean kitchen. I open the fridge and pull out some juice. I drink it from the jug without any complaints to myself. I sigh at the refreshing feeling of the coldness of the juice even though its only like a degree outside.

Then I notice it.

A piece of paper laying on my kitchen table. I furry my eyebrows in confusion. Was someone in my apartment? I place the juice on the table and carefully pick up the piece of imposingly mail. I open the envelope and pull out to what I thought it was the whole time.

The bills.

God...damn it...

I groan loudly and throw the piece of paper across the room in a lazy way. There was no fucking way I had the money for a bill. It's bad enough I got fired from my last job for punching a costumer! They expect me to pay for this? I lean on my elbow with my palm on my face.

Fucking government and their damn laws. Piss me the hell off.

Think Grimmjow...what way can you make money without causing any injury?

My foot bounces up and down in thought. I think of people I know. Shuuhei? No. He has enough workers already. Maybe Kazu could let me take over the trash business?...Nah. He needs his money too. Maybe Kuro-

_"I'm fine."_

I let myself blink for awhile before I bite my lip. Nah. He probably doesn't even have a job yet. I try to shake my head from the thoughts of the red-head. He wasn't my problem anymore. Well, he was never my problem to begin with. He was just a distraction.

_"I'm fine."_

I look ahead for a while, falling in thought.

_"I'm fine."_

"I've heard that too many times to know it's not true."I mutter to myself with a scowl. I look down at envelope on the floor before I let out a enormous sigh. Then, it hits me. I let a smirk raise on my lips as I stand up out my chair. I grab my beanie near me and place it on my head while tucking blue locks inside. I grab my shirt that I threw on the floor and hurriedly put it on my body.

He might say no, but he could say yes. Better asking then keeping a successful answer to yourself.

* * *

**3:40-pm**

**School Gym- Last Period**

"I'm shittin' bricks over here..."I hear Renji mutter to me as he tries to do some sit-ups. I just give a little chuckle while I finish my set of push ups. I let myself crawl over to Renji and hold his feet down to help him. He looks at me with a confused face.

"This is the only time I'm helping you. Take advantage of the situation as much as you can."I mutter to him with a mini scowl on my face. Renji just gives a smile and...a blush? I tilt my head in confusion. Why the hell was he blushing? Was gym really that tough for him?I roll my eyes and hold down his feet as he tries to do sit-ups. I could hear the gym teacher yelling at some students to work harder. I shuffle a little to make myself comfortable as Renji finishes. I let go of his feet and see Renji fall on the ground, about to pass out. I let out a small smirk.

"Ya know Renji, you're a strong person but you don't seem like it."I said to him as I wiped the sweat off my forehead. Renji let out a slurred moan to my sentence. I ignore his groaning and fall on the floor.

I thought it was ridiculous that we had to have gym as our last period of the day. I mean, why would you have gym when you are about to go home? Sure, you could shower before you left but I'd prefer having a math class or science as my last class instead of doing jumping jacks and playing dodge ball.

I sigh loudly and bounce my feet up and down on the gym floor. I was sweating in this gym jacket I was wearing. It much more worse than the pants I was wearing too that only went to my knees. Sometimes I wish I had the guts to show off my body.

"Kurosaki!? Slacking off!? Get your ass up and get to work!"I hear Mr. Zaraki shout at me. I clutch my fist and hold back to not yell at the asshole. Out of all teacher, Zaraki was the worst. When I first met him, I thought he would cut me some slack since I was so nice. Nope. He didn't. He treated me worse actually. After sophomore year, I broke off my facade and called him, and I quote, a whiny little dick shit. It wasn't one of my best insults, but it sure made him laugh. Which made me hate him more. I was sure Zaraki was the only teacher in this school who knew that I wasn't lying when I said I had a quick temper.

"Kurosaki! Do you want me to come over there? You shit!"Mr. Zaraki was now in front of me with a large smirk on his face. I glare at him secretly and snarl at him. He gives me a thumps up and turns around."30 jumping jacks Abarai, now!"Renji looks up from laying on the floor to stare at the teacher.

"Why me? I didn't do anything!"He shouts defensively. Mrs. Zaraki glares a him deadly.

"Your pants are sagging. I don't allow that in my class. I'm not interested in 18 year old boys like you, so pull them up." He says. I look down at Renji's pants and see his red underwear making me hold in a chuckle. Renji gives a blush when he sees me laughing and pulls up his pants.

"I didn't mean it intentionally! I didn't kno-"

"50 jumping jacks Abarai! Now or I'll get you running the track!" Without a comment, Renji mumbles in disappointment and starts doing jumping jacks. I look at him with a smirk and cross my arms. Mr. Zaraki gives a thumps up again and walks away. I roll my eyes. Whats up with him and thumbs? Did he enjoy students pain so much he gave himself effort for doing it? How masochistic.

"Well, I guess I'm finished."I mutter to myself as I head over to the wall of the gym. I sit down in the corner and watch everyone work out. I push my knee's against my chest. I can feel throbbing in my wrist making me uncomfortable. I look out again and see no ones eyes on me. Everyone's minding there business. Carefully, I look back down and hook a finger on my jacket sleeve. As I pull it down, I see paper towels on my arm filled with red-liquid. I move them out the way and look at the scars on my arm. It burns. It hurts. I gulp and place the paper towel back onto it when I see it's not healed. I immediately pull my sleeve down and cover myself.

_"Kurosaki, are you really as perfect as people say you are?-...or are you just hiding that fact that you arn't?"_

I shake the thoughts out my head and lean against the wall. Why now of all times? Why couldn't it be when I got home? When I could clean it up when I finished? Why at school when any one could catch me? I slam my head against the wall and think of happy thoughts. Then I remember, I don't really have any. What about Kaien?

_He doesn't want to talk to you. He's at college, learning and trying to become something. He doesn't have time to deal with you. Just leave him alone for one._

Maybe kittens or puppies will cheer me up? There adorable faces always make me smile.

"_Don't cause any trouble. I don't to see your face near me again."_

I pause for a second. I lift my head up in confusion. Why did I think of him? I was thinking about happy things. Not distracting things. He does look like a cat though. Maybe if I saw his hair, I could tell better. He has those high cheek bones and his mouth is always in frown. His eyes are always relaxed and are mysterious through those huge glasses of his. He's quiet and he likes to in-between spaces from what I saw earlier. I've seen him walk too. He doesn't slouch when he walks. He walks with elegance and grace though his clothing choice isn't cat-like at all. If he had a tail, it'd never fall. It would always be sticking up.

I don't even know his name yet I'm so intrigued by him. Urahara said it once. Jaggerjosh or Jackfrost something. I know it wasn't normal. Maybe he was German? That's what it sounded like. Or maybe French? There's not many foreign students in this school. Most of them are American since we are in the states. The only foreign students I know is Renji and Rukia who's Japanese like me and some teachers that are from across seas. But German or even French? Never have a met a person like that. Why would he be here in America? If I lived in Paris or Germany, I'd stay and explore. Which is the reason I wish I stayed in Japan. I let out a small sigh and let my thoughts wonder for a second.

"Excuse me."I blink quickly and look up to see a timid face looking at me. I small boy, freshman at the least, stood before me with a note. He hands me a note with his hand shaking terribly. I quirk an eyebrow at him and look at the note he hands me."It's from the principle."He says quickly before walking out of the gym. I watch as the boy leaves and look at the note.

_'Meet me in the office please. Jaegerjaquez would like to discuss something.'_

_~Principle_

_Jaegerjaquez?_ I think to myself while ignoring the other words. I stand up off the floor and look at the note. So his name was Jaegerjaquez? Or was that his last name? I place a hand on my chin and rub it."Who cares. I'll just call him a cat."

* * *

**3:57-pm**

**Urahara's Office**

"You WHAT!?"

Jaegerjaquez ignores me places a pinky in his ear. I feel my face heat up in anger as I point a finger at the little pricks face."How could you do something like that without asking me!?"

"I don't need your permission to do something."He says. He takes his pinky out his ear and wipes it under the chair he is sitting in. I place 2 fingers on my forehead in a face-palm way. There is no way I could work with him. No way."Besides, you'll get paid too."

"Just..."I muttered. I sit down in the chair in Urahara's office and groan loudly."I don't have the patience for this." I bounce my leg up and down and bite my lip to control my anger. It doesn't work."Why do I have to do all this shit just for a fight that didn't even happen!?"I yell jumping out of my chair. Jaegerjaquez looks at me as I throw a tantrum.

"Get over it."He says simply."Besides, you could use the money for more razors." I stop walking and look over at Jaegerjaquez. Did he just say what I think he said? I clutch my fist and walk over to him. I look him straight in the eye. Never in my life have I thought I have been more serious.

"That wasn't funny."I say with a straight face."You're not funny."I show no emotion. So does Jaegerjaquez. He doesn't care that what he just said could take someones life. My anger bottles up as I get close to the pricks face."You thinks its a joke to make fun of somebody hurting themselves? Do you think it's something to be played with?"I ask him. Still no emotion. More anger. This little fucker doesn't give up. He stands on his ground that wasn't a good one.

"You misunderstood what I said."Jaegerjaquez answers back to me."I wasn't laughing. I was simply helping you. You hurt yourself, right? So that's what you would do with the money away. Buy razors? Correct? What else would you spend it on? Food that you don't even digest?" I pause for a second and look into his eyes. Still no emotion. Was he really that heartless to say something so cruel...?Jaegerjaquez looks into both of my eyes."You may think I'm being cruel, but you just think that because it's true. I never said I agree with what you do to yourself. I never said it was funny. I don't laugh at things that are serious."

"You hurt yourself because you struggle, but you don't want anyone to find out. But when no one finds out, it makes you even more sad. I can't say you could buy some clothes for yourself when all you wear is sleeved shirts. I can't say you could use it for therapy because it's not my choice. So I told you the truth of what I knew you were gonna do with the money. I wasn't joking at all. Don't speak to me if you can never understand."

I don't even know what to say.

Jaegerjaquez was cruel. He didn't care about anyone about himself. So why, why do I think he has a point..?

_Cause you would buy razors with the money._

_Huh...I really am pathetic..._

I look down at the ground at my feet. My long orange locks flow over my face to hide the fact that my eyes were watering over this..._asshole_. I turn around. My feet make me walk out of the office. As I walk out, I see Principle Urahara outside the door, waiting to come back in to discuss the topic. I hurriedly wipe the tears off my face and turn to look at him. I put a huge smile on my face and nod.

"We've agree'd to go with it, Principle Urahara."I see him clap his hands together and look at me excitedly.

"Thank god! I thought you were gonna say no! You truly are a nice child! I've always wanted that music room to be cleaned! Oh yeah, would you like to pick out your coa-"

"I'm sorry, Principle Urahara. I have to go home." I cut him off. My eye's were stinging from holding in the tears and my mouth was hurting from smiling. I walk past Urahara and head out the principles office. Urahara tries to stop me and say something about a coat, but I can't think about anything anymore. All I think about is comfort. I don't care by who, it could be a random stranger for all I care. I just want warmth. By anything or anyone.

* * *

**4:15-pm**

It's snowing. I can feel the drops of snow fall onto my skin. Good thing I got the coat from Urahara, or I would have been freezing. I rub my hands together and breathe out fog. The snow's falling so fast, it's already a little hard to walk on the side walk. I shake my head while snow flakes fall off my beanie. I give a small smirk of what happened today. Well, I don't really need to worry about my bills anymore.

_"You want to get paid for detention work?"Urahara ask me with a confused face. I nod and look at him straight in the eye. Urahara lets out a laugh. I stay silent. I thought maybe if I was more mature, he would take me more seriously. I shift in my seat as Urahara stops laughing. He looks at me with a smirk."Really? You want to be paid? Why?"_

_I cross my leg over my other and cross my fingers together."I don't have much money to pay for my apartment bill. I just need money for water, heat and electricity. My phone bill was cut off because I didn't pay it so that could work too but I don't care. I'll do school chores for the whole year of Senior and I'll probably flunk this year so next year too."As I finished, Urahara was in deep thought. He suddenly shook his head._

_"You won't flunk. You're going to college."_

_"Yeah. Okay."I say with a hint of a laugh."I don't go to class or do any work. I'll be in Senior year for my whole life. I don't even remember how I passed Junior year."Urahara just stares at me with a blank face._

_"You're going to college, Grimmjow. I'll make sure of it."_

_"Why?"I ask him as I feel anger bubble up in my insides. I sit up and place my fist on his desk."You expel me then you accept me back. Then you practically forced me to the next grade when all I did was fail. Is that even legal? Listen here, I am stupid. Okay? I am not smart like you. I'm not talented like you. I'm not you. I'm me. That's all I'll ever b-"_

_"Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez."I couldn't help but flinch at the sound of Urahara's loud voice. He glares at me before he stands up in his chair."You think you are stupid, but you aren't. You just don't try. You give up. In freshman year, you had a pre-test of all things you knew and didn't. You got all the answers wrong. Teachers thought it would be extremely hard to bring you up to a sophomore level. It wasn't. In only a week, you learned 3 subjects of math, com arts, history, and science. On the test of each one of those, you've gotten an A. Not a single answer wrong. In only a week, so don't you dare call yourself any type of nuisance to that word. Just think what you could do in a year. I'm just waiting for you to get your head in the game and go to class!"_

_I pause for a second before looking up at Urahara. Pre-test... I don't remember doing any type of pre-test. I think for a second. All I remember was doing quizzes for each class. I never had the results back because I quit going to class. I had gotten...an A on each one?_

_I must of cheated. There was no way I could have possibly gotten an A in 4 classes in 3 subjects._

_My thoughts are cut off when Urahara sits back down. He dust off the suit he was wearing and starts organizing papers."As for talent, I think we both know that you are in fact the most talented in musical arts." I look down at my hands in wonder. Most talented...in music...? I don't even remember showing anyone my musical skills before. I look up at Urahara and stare at him._

_I've never played since I was 13, so how does Urahara know?_

_Kisuke Urahara. You know me, but I don't know you._

_"As for paying for your bills. I agree, but Kurosaki will have to agree with it too. Don't ask why, it's my decision. But, the catch is that you will be cleaning snow off the sidewalks, picking up tennis balls off the courts and cleaning off the courts from snow, and also clean the abandoned music room. If you do all of this is a month, you may have enough money to pay for your bill for 3-5 months a year till you find a job. With Kurosaki, you will have to share the money with him."_

"Tsk."I mutter to myself at the memories of our conversation. I could tell Urahara knew me from somewhere other than school, but it didn't really bother me. It wasn't my problem if he knew me or not. All I cared about is that he did his job as a principle. As long as he didn't bring up my past or any family members, we didn't have a problem. In other ways, what I did have a problem with was Kurosaki.

I sneer at the thought of the red-haired freak. Somehow inside, I have felt a little guilt from what I said to him. But you can't deny the truth. If he doesn't want to hear it, then let the world tell him lies for all his life. I wouldn't care. He wasn't my problem. He was a distraction. An annoying little fruit. Plus, I had to work with him. What if he was one of those people who complains instead of doing stuff? Jeez, I don't wanna start another fight.

_"You thinks its a joke to make fun of somebody hurting themselves? Do you think it's something to be played with?"_

I squint my eyes and stuff my hands into my coat pockets. Well, at-least I knew the truth.

Kurosaki was for a fact, suicidal. I don't know how much. He didn't have a perfect life as everyone said he did. He struggles, but I think he refuses to get help. I don't know Kurosaki at all. The Kurosaki I knew for years was the nice, perfect one. This Kurosaki was different. He was new. He was mysterious, damaged from something that been a scar for a long time. If it wasn't a scar, then he would be doing this for no reason. I doubt that he would do it for attention. No one should do anything like that for attention.

I hardly notice that I'm heading up the stairs to my apartment that I'm in so much deep thought. As I head to the door, I pause for a second before noticing a basket set near my door. I scowl and bend down. The basket is full of chocolates and sweets. I hold up the chocolates and look at them. Cherry filled. I twitch my nose in wonder and look around the basket more. It also has more of my favorite candies. Watermelon blow-pops. Gummy worms. Skittles. Bubblegum. As I look around, I also notice other stuff other than candy. I see a plastic bag full of scented rose petals, candles, and some foam soap. At the moment, I was confused as hell. Why would someone leave this shit at my door? I furry my eyebrows and grab the basket. Who's ever it was, I wasn't gonna waste it. Besides, it might be good for a stressful night since I'll be working my ass off for a whole month.

Heading into my apartment, I throw the basket on the counter and take off all my clothes and my glasses except boxers. I push my clothes in a corner and sit on the carpeted floor. I pull a pillow and blanket that I hid under the couch and get comfortable on the cold floor.

_"Jeez Grimmjow. Why can't you be normal and sleep in a bed? The floor is so cold and I bet its the reason you smell like Pantera all the time."_

I scowl at the memory and turn over on the floor. I was always scolded for sleeping on the floor. I've never liked beds. Whenever I slept in them, I usually fall off of them and I can't get comfortable. With the floor, you can move where ever you want. Most of the times, I was forced to sleep in a bed with my brothers and sisters all together. It was crowded, so I slept on the floor. I've gotten use to the floor. I sigh loudly and curl myself in a ball. I can already feel the coldness of the snow.

I can't wait till I get paid for some heaters.

* * *

**4:31-pm**

"Kaien, I'm home...!"I shout loudly as I enter the house. I hear silence. Kaien would usually be waiting for me when I got home. I quirk an eyebrow and slip my shoes off. I push them in a corner and hang my book-bag up. The house is dark and gloomy as always. I bite my lip and shiver as some snow drips on my neck. Sadly, I forgot to get a coat from Mr. Urahara, so I had to struggle to get home with all the snow in only a long sleeved shirt and a uniform.

I look around the living room to see it was clean. Well, at-least I knew Kaien was here. He was probably sleeping. I let a little calmness over-gulf me as I hurriedly head up stairs. I was the first one to come home aside from Kaien. If I remember, Yuzu comes home second and then Karin. Dad comes home any type of time. I've always been worried I would walk in and find him sitting on the couch or something. Luckily, it's never happened yet.

As I head up the stairs, I hear something. It sounds like muttering. I pause on the second to last step for a second to hear. It's a deep voice. Definably Kaien's. I quietly head up the last step and slowly walk my way to Kaien's door. As I get closer, I can hear more than one voice. Did he have a project?

I shouldn't bother him.

I stop walking for a second and shake my head."I shouldn't interrupt."I say to myself. I look up and find myself already at my brothers door. I look at the handle and hesitant to grab it. I then hear giggling.

I could feel my heart beating fast. It wasn't what I thought it was...was it? My fingers itch to see what was going on in my brothers room. But it wasn't by business. My brother had a life, and that life needed its privacy. I grab my hand and pull it down. I'll just leave and go do my homework. I won't worry about it at all. I'll continue going to my room. I won't do anything to disturb his studying.

"Kaien..."

I burst open the door quickly. My heart is beating so fast could have a heart attack. My whole body is shaking while I look around the room. Mostly, the bed. I see no one there. My heart slows down and I stop shaking.

It was just a hallucination. You didn't hear anything. He's not doing anything.

I bite my lip in relief. I place my hand over my heart while I feel it finally calming down. I gulp quickly and turn around to close the door.

Then I hear a moan.

I pause for a second. I could hear it too. Loud and clear. It wasn't Kaien's.

It was a woman's.

And it came from the bathroom.

I look near his bed at Kaien's private bathroom. I can hear it all now.

The moans, the laughter, the giggles.

I didn't like it.

It made my heart crack and bleed.

I ignore the sounds I just heard and slowly close the door. It shuts with a soft click. I can't think at all. I can hear a ringing in my ears. It's annoying. It's making me not think. I place my hands on my ears and close them. The ringing doesn't stop. It continues. I bite my lip and sniff my nose. I realize I'm crying. I feel them roll down my cheeks and drop on the clean floor. The ringing then stops.

I can hear myself crying

_You sound pathetic._

I cover my mouth to hold in the sounds. I hurriedly walk away from my brothers door and dash my way into the house bathroom. I breathe in deeply and lock the door. I huff to let in air from all the crying.

_"Stop crying, ya little pussy."_

I slam myself on the toilet and cuff my hands onto my face. My eyes are red from crying. My cheeks are raw from rubbing them so much. I can hardly breathe correctly with all the thoughts running through my mind. Kaien was with someone other than me. That's why he was busy on the phone. He wasn't studying. He wasn't sleeping. He was with _someone_. I feel anger replace sadness. I can feel heat in my face. I clutch my fist and stand up off the seat. I unlock the bathroom door and run down the hall. I don't care if I make alot of noise. Matter fact, I don't give a damn if I interrupt his fun time. But that's probably be best huh?

I wouldn't wanna_ fuck_ up everything else in life for him, would I?

I run down the steps and head over to the kitchen.

_This is all your fault Kaien._

I open the refrigerator and pull out leftovers from last night. Yuzu cooked so much.

_You're gonna ruin it all. She's gonna be sad._

_She already hates me. Who gives fuck._

I reach in and place a piece of food into my mouth. I chew it while its freezing cold. As I eat it, I dig in the drawers and pull out a piece of cake Karin probably hid from days ago. I push all the food to the side and close the fridge door.

_"You hurt yourself because you struggle, but you don't want anyone to find out. But when no one finds out, it makes you even more sad."_

"Fuck it."I almost yell. I swallow the large amounts of food I put in my mouth. I can feel it almost blocking my breathing way. I don't care. I can feel my stomach is full, but I don't stop eating.

_"You hurt yourself, right? So that's what you would do with the money away. Buy razors? Correct? What else would you spend it on? Food that you don't even digest?"_

I push away the food when I hear footsteps."Ichigo?"I hear a voice say."Are you home?"I stand up off the floor and dash my way upstairs. I see Kaien. His shirt is half unbuttoned and he looks like he just got dressed. I see his eye's widen when he see's me."Ichigo...! Why ar-" I ignore him and push him out my way. He looks shocked at my actions. I ignore it. I ignore everything. I run towards the bathroom and burst open the door. I lock it.

"Ichigo.."I hear the door handle jiggle after a couple minutes. I back away from the door of the bathroom and stare at it. I hear banging."Ichigo! Open the door! Don't fuckin' do this right know!"I don't even flinch at his voice. I look over at the shower and turn it on. I hear the door jiggle more."Ichigo...! OPEN THE DOOR!"I don't listen to him. I grab the end of my shirt and take it off. Bloody paper towels fall on the ground. I turn around and look at myself in the mirror.

_Look at all those scars...There hideous. Who would want you?_

I fall on my knees while I look at myself. There so many scars. I couldn't even count. Why do I do this to myself? I wasn't handsome. I was ugly. Hideous. I'm ashamed I'm even forcing myself to live. I bite my lip harder than I've ever had before. I blink my eyes and my vision changes.

Those horns are back. They're sharp and dangerous, like the tip of a razor skin is pale white like snow. My irises are blood red. My lips looked chapped. If I open them, I can see spiky deadly teeth dripping with blood. I raise my hand that's already dripping blood down my arm. I looked horrible. Scary. Disastrous. I turn my head away from my reflection and stare at my shower that already filled up the bathtub water. I hurriedly turn off the shower so the bath doesn't flood. Then, I decide to do it.

I plant my feet into the cold water. I didn't even think of putting on any hot water. It was already cold outside, so I was freezing. It would be even more freezing when my heart stopped beating. I sit myself down into the cold tub, ignoring the sounds of Kaien trying to kick the door down. I look over at the door and see it's a little cracked. There's only seconds till he breaks it down. I quickly close the curtain and look forward in the small space.

I take no big breath. I let myself relax as I dive my head into the cold water. I open my eyes. The water is above me. I see it moving and wandering. It looks neat. I then feel a shiver in my body.

I feel numb from all the coldness. I can't feel any bone on my body. My heart's beating faster as I feel a strange sensation in my chest. I wanted to get up out the water. I wanted to breathe and be full of life for the first time. But I knew if I did get out the water, I would want to get back in. It would be a repeated cycle. Why? Because I don't want to kill myself in a lingering way. I want it to be painless. With one hit, my heart won't beat anymore. I can't kill myself.

I need something to kill _me._

_Before I could even try and reach for the shower curtain to pull myself up, my eyes close while bubbles go to the surface._

* * *

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_It's still snowing..._

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**December 3rd, 2013**

**6:03-am...**

I grunt as I shovel the snow out of my way. Fog breathes out my mouth when a shiver flows into my skin. Cars drive slowly on the road to not crash. I ignore the sound of some stares from people as they look at me, wondering why I wasn't wearing a coat.

My finger tips were freezing though they were re-wrapped in bandages. I struggle to push the snow away from the sidewalks with a grunt. I make a mistake of going under a tree. I accidentally hit a branch with my head. Tons of snow falls all over me making me mistakenly whimper. I can feel a pair of specific eyes on me. I shake myself off of the snow. If I could see anything other than white, I bet I would already have some Icicles growing on my skin. I bite my cold lips with the heat of my mouth.

Then I feel it.

A coat being wrapped around me. It smells like mint and berries. I freeze for a second at the surprising warmth. It takes a minute before I snap out of those icicles melting on my skin. I look up and see Jaegerjaquez. He's standing there with his famous black attire and a toothpick in his mouth. His face looks pale and has a hint of red to it from the coldness. I stare at him before scowling."Get this off me."I mutter to him with not much emotion. He ignores me and starts to rub the snow off of my hair."Stop it!"

"Sorry."Jaegerjaquez says quickly. I look at him."Sorry for yesterday. I shouldn't of said that. It was stupid of me, so I'm sorry."I stop and take in the moment of shock forcing itself into my veins. He was apologizing? Wasn't it a little to late for that? I look at him for a second and then look away.

"Fine, but I get to keep this coat."I tell him. I see him at the corner of my eye, cackle and nod his head.

"Okay. I wasn't really cold anyway. Maybe you're just a little pussy."He inquires. I feel a tick form in my forehead and I look up at him with his enormous, tall statue.

"Fuck you, you giant cat!"I was surprised when he didn't answer back, but he only gave a small smirk. I sigh loudly and calm myself down."What's your name, anyway?"I ask him with a hint of calmness in my voice. He doesn't answer for a second before he opens his mouth.

"Grimmjow."

"Your real name, you idiot!"

"That is my real name."My eye's widen at the seriousness in his voice. I twist my lips to the side in thought as I stare at the side of his face. Grimmjow? It was a weird name for sure. Grimm-jow. I let myself think for a moment while I put my hands through the sleeves of Jage-Grimmjow's jacket and zip it up. It's over sized, for sure. It could be considered a rain coat or a dress over my body. I sigh loudly and tuck my chin into the coat. I suddenly hear a snicker. I scowl and look over at the prick."What's so funny?"I ask him.

"You look like a turtle trying to hide. I never knew you were so small."He tells me. I see him pick up his shovel and begin to move some snow out of the way."If I knew better, I'd say you were the midget and I was the giant."I scoff at him.

"Midget?I'm 5'9, asshole."I cross my arms. Well, I_ try_ to cross my arms. I struggle before I just let my hands fall to the side."How tall are you, giant? 8'4?"

"Actually, I'm 6'2. Much taller than you'll ever be, Mr. 4'7."He crosses his arms to mock what I couldn't do. I feel my face heat up in anger at his comment. He was the most asshole of all assholes I've ever met! And I've met alot of assholes!"Hey, look! You're learning the meaning of your name, _Strawberry._"

That's it.

I stomp my feet on the snow for affect as I raise my fist. He see's my fist and gives a smirk while he brings his hands up to grab it.

Such an old move.

I open my fist and grab his. I pull his hand towards me and stomp my foot on his. He lets out a yelp in pain and backs away from me. Thus, he bumps the tree near me. As he does, a rumble of snow falls toward him and splashes over his body. He is literally covering head to toe in snow. I hold in in laugh and cock my hip in pride."Who's Mr.4'7, Snowman?"

"Fuck you."He whispers."Look you fucked up my glasses!" I fail and smile under his coat. I make sure he doesn't see it. I let my eye's wonder to him shaking off the snow. He takes off his glasses to clean them. I stare at his angry face. His cheeks and ears were blushed from the coldness. I could still see his high cheek bones and straight perfect nose. He had long eyelashes that brought out his small eyes. His eyebrows were thick yet smooth looking. I then look at his hair that was covered with a beanie. I bite my lip. I really want to see whats under that beanie. Maybe I should do a trick shot and snatch it off there. As I look at his face, I see bright blue-eyes without glasses find mine in a second.

_Bu-bump._

"Hey, you gonna help me? You caused this shit."He ask me with a growl as he puts his glasses back on. I don't flinch at his attempt to scare me. I shrug my shoulders and grab my shovel. I begin to move snow out of the way, sometimes throwing snow over to Grimmjow who was trying to get clean of it all."Hey, you dick! Could you stop!?"

"I'm not applied to be nice to you! It say's it in the bible of the page 345!"I tell him as I fling snow towards him."Besides, you like the coldness right?"

"Just because I like the coldness doesn't mean I can't die from it!"He shouts. He grabs a pile of snow and throws it at me. I yelp when It hits me in the face. I wipe my eyes but It only makes it worst. I could tell my face was really red now.

"Look here asshole!"I shout loudly at him in a serious voice. He stops what he's doing and looks at me. I almost let out a smirk at my doing. I point a finger at him and scowl."Stop playing theses childish games and grow up. Snowballs, really? Are you 10 years old? You might as well throw bricks at me if your gonna use a def-"

I'm put off when another pile of snow hits me in the face. It goes in my mouth. I cough loudly and shake my whole body. Once I begin to see, I look up at Grimmjow who's just looking at me with those hypnotizing blue eyes.

"I don't follow anyone's rules, so how about yo- "

*Smash*

"WHAT THE HELL!?"He shouts as I throw more snowballs at him. I struggle to grab some off the ground and shape them. He tries to block it and tries to yell, but it doesn't work. I then see him speed towards me. My eye's widen as I try to back away from him. It doesn't work. I feel his hands grab me and push me in the snow. I grunt loudly as snow goes in my mouth. I see him scoping up snow with a shovel to throw on me.

I raise my leg and kick his shin. He shouts in pain. Oh shit, didn't I hit him there yesterday? I cover my mouth to hold in the laughter that's trying to escape my body. He bows down on one knee and face palms himself in pain."Fucking...shit."I cock my head for a second at his new voice.

"Was that a British accent? Are you British?"I ask him. I see him look up at me with deadly eyes. I'm not affected as I stare at him, waiting for an answer.

"I'm half British and German, you genius asshole."He tells me. I let out a 'oooh' in understanding.

"Can you do a German accent too?"I say. He nods his head. I hum."Where were you born?"

"Was is this, 20 questions? I'm not telling you!"

"Hey! I'm actually interested in someone who is foreign! Not many students here are foreign! I was born in Japan. Does that help?"

"I was born in Germany though I have a British accent I got from my mother. Are you happy now!?"

"Cool. I wish I was British. There voices are pretty erogenous..."There's silence between us before I realize what I just said. A blush goes on my cheeks as I lift myself up from the ground."Not that I want to be British it's just if I knew a British person I would probably feel infatuated with them-but not YOU! You ruin it!" I say as an excuse for myself. He just stares at me with wide eyes.

"You're infatuated with me?"My feet curl at the sound of his British accent when he ask me that. He smirks at me."You really aren't the Kurosaki I know, are you?"I look at him for a second. There's silence between us before I open my mouth.

"...Depends on which one you're looking for..."


End file.
